A mom writes in asking for advice. She recently had a stillbirth and feels like no one cares about her or the situation. Because she already has four children, many people expect her to move on. Even her own family has been rude to her. After the delivery, no one came to visit her or even talked to her. Now, she doesn’t know what to do, especially since she is dealing with postpartum depression. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“In June, I had a stillbirth delivery, and it was devastating. Not only dealing with grief but also feeling alone. I have a husband and four children already, and everyone in my family, especially my husband, just wants me to act like it’s no big deal. I have heard everything from, ‘you already have children’ to ‘it’s probably for the best.’ I just can’t believe my own family can be so insensitive towards me.
After the delivery, I was left alone in the hospital. No one in my family visited me, called me, or even so much as sent a text. My husband called a few times and only came when it was time for me to leave. I am not sure if I am overreacting to their actions because of postpartum grief, or if I am justified in feeling upset. I really need advice on how to cope because I am starting to feel resentment.”
Community Advice for This Mom Dealing with Grief
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Every comment was encouraging for this mom. Many told her that because she had a stillbirth, she needs to express her emotions. Some also shared that every family member is grieving and they do care, they just don’t know how to express it. One said, “You are 100% justified. However, your family is also grieving, especially your husband. They just don’t know how to express it and they most certainly don’t know what to say. It sucks for all of you.”
Many suggested communicating with her husband to let him know how she is feeling. One commented, “You need to have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel.” Another agreed, “So sorry to hear about your loss. Maybe the family members aren’t sure what to say at this time. Don’t doubt yourself about your feelings. Tell your family how you are feeling. Communication is so important.”
Some also gave personal experiences and their advice to overcome. One shared, “A good friend of mine had a miscarriage and I just didn’t say much because I wasn’t sure what was the right thing to say. I’m sure they love you and your baby and mourn in their own way.” Another advised, ” My daughter was stillborn 31 years ago at 39 weeks. I received very similar reactions. Possibly because people just do not know what to do or say. My husband was at a loss because he had no idea what to do or say.”
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