A mom writes in asking for advice. She wants to get a divorce, but her husband does not. They have been together since they were teenagers, and have been married for six years. He is very controlling and she just can’t stand it anymore. Every time she tries to leave, he won’t let her. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’ve been with my now-husband for almost ten years in January. We had our first kid at 17 together, got married at 18, and then had another kid. We’ve been married for six years, but for a while, I have been so resentful and just can’t stand anything he does or says anymore! He knows how I feel. I’ve tried asking for a divorce, but he wants to keep trying every time. I always tell him we will, and we do.
But this time I’m just so tired of the ups and downs. It’s not just that; he’s always been very controlling, but he will never admit it. He hides my clothes he doesn’t like, gets mad when I do things without him, etc. I’ve delayed it so much I feel like I’ve wasted so much time now. Here’s my problem: I have been a stay at home mom the whole time we’ve been together.
We just had our third child 18 months ago, and I have no support besides him. What are my options? In the past, when I’ve asked for a divorce, he says he’s keeping the house and wants 50/50 custody of the kids. He gets very mean when it’s not going his way and says this thing. I feel so stuck.”
Community Advice for This Mom Wanting a Way Out
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The advice was very supportive of this mom wanting a divorce even though her husband does not. One shared, “Start by going to therapy, and tell them everything so there are records of what he does to you. When you go to a divorce attorney, take the therapy records so they will put him far away from you for abuse. You will get to keep custody and even the house.”
Another commenter agreed with going to marriage counseling. She said, “You need to be brutally honest about what you need in a relationship. You married young. There is a huge amount of growth and change between when you got married and now. Try clear communication and perhaps marriage counseling.”
One commenter shared some brutally honest advice. She advised, “It sounds like you have closed your heart to him. It is hard to open back up but you can try. Fall in love with him again. Start dating again. Make time for the two of you. Think about the things that you love about him. Try doing nice things for him. If you show him you care he will reciprocate.”
She continues, “Marriage isn’t falling in love once and staying in love. It is falling in love, falling out of love and falling back in love again. Never stop dating. Never stop trying to keep your relationship alive. Always make time for each other.” However, other commenters felt like they should divorce. In the end, some said to do whatever her heart is telling her.
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This question was asked by a Facebook community member who has asked to remain anonymous.