A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says that her mother-in-law favors her youngest child over her oldest. This mom suspects it is likely due to the fact that her youngest is her mother-in-law’s first “blood” (or biological) grandchild, as her older child is from a previous relationship. Still, it bothers this mom that her MIL so clearly favors one over the other. What should she do?
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A member of the community asks:
“My mother in law favors my youngest child: Advice?
My mother-in-law is favoring my youngest over the oldest. Backstory. I have an 8-year-old from a previous relationship. We also have a new baby who is almost a year old. My mother-in-law is favoring the baby over my other son, and it is beginning to show. My husband has said stuff to her, but it is still ongoing. I don’t know what to do besides flip out myself. I refuse to let my other child see that he doesn’t count as much regardless.
This is her first “blood” grandchild, but my parents 4th and they aren’t showing favoritism to any of them and treats them the same, but my mother-in-law is showing favoritism. Like I posted about how old my baby is turning, and my mother in law will turn around and post the same thing and tag us in it. But I slipped a few months, and so did she. I can post pictures of both children, but she will only comment on the ones with the baby involved. Any advice would be helpful because it’s to the point where I can’t stand being around my in-laws.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Favors Her Biological Grandchild
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“We have grandchildren… some are blood… some are not… none of them have a clue who is and who isn’t… everyone is.”
“Unfriend her on social media or restrict her. She will ask why and you explain why, if she wants to start showing favoritism of the children, she will have limited access. Once she stops showing the signs, she can have more access. Also, explain that you understand that she is excited about the baby being her “first” grandchild but she does have another one grandchild who isn’t blood who is older and won’t understand. And that you are only protecting your child’s (mental) health.”
“She feels a connection with her biological grandchild; it’s her first. Unless her son adopts your oldest it really isn’t her grandchild no matter how much you want them to be equal to her, and biologically they aren’t As long as she doesn’t treat your older child badly, then there isn’t much you can do. Your older child has its bio father’s family also.”
“Really isn’t a way to fix that. She just may not feel connected and it’s certainly understandable, not all people are good enough to be able to take in different blood as their own. Sad for your son and family for sure. But he just needs to talk to her again.”
“I mean, I have a stepdaughter and am currently pregnant with my mom’s first “blood grandchild”. She cares about my stepdaughter, but it’s not the same as what she feels towards the baby I’m pregnant with. I can’t blame her for that. My stepdaughter didn’t come into her life until she was 5.”
“Maybe you should flip out! That’s not okay at all. If your husband didn’t get the point across then you should. I hate people like that. Whether it’s her first blood grandchild should not matter. If your husband accepted him and treats him right then his family should too. I never understood how people could behave that way towards children. That’s the thing with men and their mothers. They fear being disrespectful even tho their mothers are WRONG!”
“If she can’t treat both of your children with the same amount of love then she doesn’t deserve to be in their lives, simple as that. Kids notice when they arent being treated equally.”
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