A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says she’s always had a problem with her mother in law, who has made disparaging remarks about her and both of her grandchildren. After moving in with the mother-in-law, at her own request, this mom was once again subjected to hurtful comments. She left with her kids and went to her own parents’, but how can she tell her husband she won’t return to his mom’s
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A member of the community asks:
“I have issues with my husband’s mother: Advice?
I am currently in a relationship with the father of my 2 kids. The problem is his mother (my mother-in-law). When we had our first kid, she said it was not her grandson. I just ignored her. My husband said I must ignore her. Now, after 8 years, we have our second child, of whom she always says bad things.
We were renting before this world pandemic; she asked my husband to come back home as she’s becoming old and staying alone. My husband told me & we agreed. We moved back to his mom’s house and stayed in the backroom. On the first day of our arrival, she went on & on saying I am not good for her boy. I didn’t say anything to my husband about; I just asked him to allow me and the kids to go see my mom, which I agreed to. Now how do I tell him that I am not going back to his mom’s??!”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Has a Terrible Relationship with Her Mother-in-Law
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You shouldn’t have gone to begin with if she bad mouths your kids, but just be straight forward and say it’s better if you and the boys don’t return.”
“‘We won’t be coming back. Sorry I won’t force our children, or myself, to sit in a house we are nothing but bad mouthed in.'”
“Just tell him. I don’t think that’s a healthy environment for anyone, including your husband but especially you and your kids…
… I would be most concerned about your (8?) year old. He’s old enough to understand what’s being said about you, him, and his sibling and you don’t want that…
… Just be straight forward and tell him you won’t put your kids in that environment and you don’t want to put yourself there either to be constantly talked down to.”
“Just be honest and tell him. You deserve better and so do your kids!! If he wants to be with you and his kids he will make it work without putting you and the kids in that situation. Good for you for leaving! Nobody deserves to be treated that way.”
“Ok… first of all… if his mom is saying all these nasty things and claiming these children are not her grandbabies why would you agree to live with her let alone even talk to her?!?!”
“That last sentence was a plot twist. Have you talked to him at all? It sounds like you haven’t talked to him about it and now you’re just not going back. And on a different note, why does your husband have to “allow” you to go see your mom? I feel there are a lot of underlying issues here.”
“Just be honest with your husband tell him what is being said by his mother.”
“Your relationship with your husband comes first. You two should be in the same household. Maybe this means you two need to figure out how to move into a place of your own where you are or move away. Don’t allow her toxic behavior to break up your marriage. Living apart is not the solution. If mama can’t get it together, she might want to consider a retirement community.”
“I would tell my husband exactly like you told us. He is long overdue for a talk with his mom and he is long overdue for a talk with you. You’ll work it out! Good luck!”
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