my boyfriend becomes abusive when he drinks: what should i do?

My Boyfriend Becomes Abusive When He Drinks: What Should I Do?

A member of the community writes in looking for advice on what she should do because her boyfriend drinks and becomes abusive.

A Mamas Uncut community member writes in and asks:

“Have other mamas dealt with a person who has an alcohol problem? My boyfriend has an issue with tolerating his alcohol and becomes verbally, mentally & physically abusive every time! He makes me seem like I have pushed him to a limit that he has to become defensive. But he does it every time he has drunk, and I can’t handle it. He says I overreact, and I’m ignorant because I don’t want alcohol in my home anymore because of this. Advice?”

Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice For The Girlfriend Who Says That Her Boyfriend Gets Abusive When He Drinks

Notice the responses of the community to this woman in need in the link below.

Fan QuestionMy boyfriend becomes abusive when he drinks: What should I do?Have other mamas dealt with a person who…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Thursday, January 2, 2020

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Advice Summary

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The community had some very good advice for our mama who finds herself dealing with an abusive relationship. Many members have experienced the same kind of situation. You can read some of their responses below:

If he is not willing to stop the drinking than I would tell you to leave, not to give you false hope. But my dad was the same when he drank, at one point he went to jail and had to take anger management classes, he realized if he didn’t and got lucky my mom didn’t press charges well..he’d have been deported and lost his family, after a while, they separated and 2 years later realized they couldn’t be apart. (He would send money every time to make sure we were okay) they have been married 25..26? Years, I think 26. But, he stopped drinking FOR HER and FOR US. (My half brother too, he became a son to our dad). Now, if he WANTED to he could always find resources to help him quit. But at the end of the day, if he chooses not to, you can’t force him and you’ll be better off single than being abuse.”

All I read was the first sentence and clicked comment just to say “LEAVE” I’ve lost a friend to Domestic Violence before so the sooner the better GIRL RUN.”

He doesn’t want to change. My bf now had an alcohol problem as well. But he’s been going to AA meetings and counseling. Things have changed since then. He also goes to the gym to distract himself. They need to want to change.”

Sticking around will cause you health issues you are staying cause you love him but clearly he doesn’t see that. People who take advantage of you and think it ok need you to be the bigger person and leave.

My advice is that you leave. Don’t make an announcement, pack your bags and leave when he’s not looking. Don’t give him a warning, he’ll just plead with you to stay and you might fall for it. I’ve been down this road, in this exact situation. It never gets better, only worse, in time he’ll start being abusive without the alcohol.

Final Thoughts

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In any kind of abusive relationship, the best advice anyone could give is to encourage the victim to reach out for help. Where you get the help or what kind of help you get is completely up to you. Reaching out to others who have been in the same situation and successfully made it to the other side is another way to help your situation. Look for a support group, talk with someone. Only you can change your life. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children. You can find help by visiting the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

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