My Boyfriend Is Using Drugs, But I Don’t Want to Live That Lifestyle Again: Advice?

A mom writes in looking for advice on whether she should move on from her boyfriend because he is using drugs again and she doesn’t want to fall back into that lifestyle again.

A Community Member asks:

My boyfriend of 5 years just moved out due to using drugs and has chosen it over me, or feels like it because when we’re together, he doesn’t even wanna try to work things out with me. He and I have two daughters together, both now go back and forth from my home to his mom’s (he lives with his mom now) every two days.

He has lied so much to me about not using and no money. When we’re together, he’s always quiet and always looks out the window and doesn’t even try to look at me anymore. Me, I have been clean for 11 months now; I don’t wanna go back to that lifestyle either.. what should I do???? Mind you, he’s a great father to our daughters. I don’t wanna move on, but it feels like I’m going to have to???? Need some advice please; this is killing me inside, and I’m losing hope.”

-Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Looking For Advice About What To Do Since Her Boyfriend Is Using Drugs Again

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom concerned about her boyfriend using drugs, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionMy boyfriend is using and I don't want to fall back into that lifestyle again: Advice?My bf of 5 years…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Thursday, January 2, 2020

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Advice Summary

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The community shared many of their own experiences and gave very positive advice. You can read some of these below:

I’ve been there, minus the kids, but I moved on. I waited forever for him to listen and want to work it out. He never did, he kept using and now I hear he has moved on to some of the hardest drugs and took his new girlfriend down with him. Now I have a wonderful new boyfriend and a perfect gorgeous new baby. Moving on from that life was the best thing I did. Especially since you’re sober now I would definitely move on. Tough because of the kids but you don’t want to set the wrong example for them. Best of luck woman.”

One of the best decisions in our lives is the most difficult to leave behind someone we love. 
His using drugs isn’t healthy or stable. He’s toxic to you & your family until he’s fought his own demons. Love and let go.

Leave him. He might be a “good father” now but he won’t be if he continues using. You need to look out for yourself and your daughters. If you’ve been clean do what you gotta do to stay clean, even if that means leaving him. You can’t help him, only he can help himself.

I’m in recovery as well. The difficulties that we have lived is not worth losing anything anymore. But you absolutely know the answer to this question. The fact that your asking for advice on what to do is a red flag already because you’re minimizing the situation and also it’s risking your sobriety that is the main priority especially since you have babies that need you. Please listen to a fellow addict and remember you HAVE to change people, places and things if you are so serious about your recovery. Our addict minds can slip us back in a matter of seconds. You need to get on your knees and surrender this and put the boundaries in play. I’m praying for you!

Addiction is a disease and he absolutely needs help but until he gets the help and is sober I think it would be much safer for you (and your own sobriety) and your daughter to get some space from him.

Final Thoughts

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I was so proud of the responses to this mom needing advice about her boyfriend using drugs again. The conversation was very positive and helpful.

It seems that he has chosen using drugs over you by already leaving, and even when he’s around he is pulling away. One of the comments mentioned that you already know what to do, and I have to agree. Sometimes our heart tells us one thing and our head tells us something else. In this case, both your head and your heart may be talking at the same time, making it hard to hear the right from the wrong, but I think that you already know what to do. It is just sticking to it that will be hard. Continue to reach out for advice and support from those that love you and want what’s best for you. Focus on your own recovery and before you know it you will be in a place that you are content with.

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