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QUESTION: My boyfriend told me he doesn’t want anymore kids: Advice?
“My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. We have a 4-year-old together and I’ve always told him I wanted a big family. I’ve always joked around saying I want 8 kids but have mentioned to him that I would be fine with at least one more. Well, today, after mentioning having another baby, he dropped the bomb on me, implying that he doesn’t want any more kids. I just feel lost because all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mom and give my daughter siblings just like I grew up with siblings. I feel like I’ve wasted my time here. Thoughts?”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“When my husband and I first started dating we agreed on 2 kids. Nearly a decade later, we have had a miscarriage, medical issues, one healthy but miserable pregnancy and birth, more medical issues, and a lot of financial strain. I got my tubes removed. Sometimes people change their minds.”
“If you feel it’s all been a waste of your time, you may have been in the wrong relationship from the start and not having more kids together is actually dodging a bullet. Truth. It’s understandable to have these differences though, and for it to cause difficulties in your relationship. People do grow and change and don’t always continue to want the same things. It’s a tough pill to swallow but you find a way to work through it together when you’re in it for love. And although you aren’t married, you do have a child together.
So it’s not as simple as just moving on and finding someone else who wants more kids. Hopefully, as a mom who wants to give her child the love of a big family, you are taking to heart the importance of your child’s father to them also. It’s not just about how you feel anymore. Hopefully, you can work through this hurt together and come out stronger on the other side.”
“If it is a deal breaker for you then you need to leave. I’ve always been up front with anyone I’ve dated that I want kids and if they didn’t, it was a deal breaker for me.”
“My man and I have regular chats about where we’re at regarding our family size. We’re about at the end of our ideal childbearing years but every couple months we check-in with each other, ‘You still good with the 2 we got?’ ‘Yeah, are you?'”
“Discuss this with him and find out why. Men usually have a reason. Well, good men anyway.”
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