A mom writes in asking for advice about her partner. She has been with her partner for 8 years, and they have 3 children together. Earlier this year, her partner had a one-night stand and told her about it the following day. At the time, he told her that he loved her but was no longer “in love” with her. He then changed his tune and told her he wants to work on saving their relationship. This mom is conflicted about what to do.
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A member of the community asks:
“My partner cheated but said he wants to work it out: Advice?
I’ve been with my partner for eight years, three beautiful children together. Proposed to me at the start of the year, I thought things were going great. He had a one night stand two weeks ago and told me the following day but also told me he loved me but was no longer in love with me.
Then a few days later he asked to work on it. I’m at a loss on what to do. I’ve tried giving it a go, but can’t get all this out of my head and feel like I’m the one trying to save the relationship… Advice, please.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Partner Cheated on Her But Claims He Wants to ‘Work On It’
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I know people say once a cheater always a cheater but that’s not always the case. My husband before we got married cheated on me. I kicked him out for about a week or so. We went to counseling and we’ve been happy ever since. We’ve been married for 3 years now and I’ve never been happier. Communication is one of the most important things to have in a relationship.”
“When someone says that they love you, but they’re not in love with you, it’s time to go. You deserve someone who is in love with YOU.”
“You gotta look inside yourself and see what you’re willing to live with. What he put you through is not ok. But most guys wouldn’t come out and tell you either. If you decide to stay you both gotta be all in. Open. Honest. Try counseling…
… You’ll have to live with the constant thoughts and fears he brought up in you. But even if you decide to stay right now, it does not mean you have to stay forever. If it’s not working, not worth it, you have to be able to see that. Neither choice is easy. But pick the one you can live with. What would you tell your daughter or son? Your friend?”
“If he said he is no longer in love with you and he cheated I’d break it off and co-parent for the children.”
“It’s a trust issue now. I’m going through the same thing. I’ve been married for 32 years, God knows I love him. I don’t trust him anymore. We’ve been separated for two years, I am doing much better by myself. Divorce should be over soon. You sound younger, so you have a chance at a beautiful life. Take it, don’t sit around waiting for him to change. I am a strong believer in ‘sometimes loves just isn’t enough.'”
“If he hadn’t told you that he wasn’t in love with you, I would have said to try to work it out. Although your relationship won’t ever be the same. But he clearly told you he doesn’t love you. So what’s left to fight for?? You are the only one fighting. I’m sorry you are going through that. Best of luck.”
“Once a cheater always a cheater. Plus the trust is completely gone, and it’s something you’ll never get out of your head. He even admitted to you that he’s not in love with you anymore, so why torture yourself and stay. Do yourself a favor and walk away and don’t look back, you deserve to be with someone who’s crazy about you and won’t give into temptation.”
“8 years is a long time. Once trust is broken it is so hard to rebuild, but if you truly want the relationship to work, you can do it. He has a lot of making up to do. And trust to rebuild. Counseling may help!”
“He feels guilty, he probably is saying he wants to work it out to make himself feel better. I would just walk away. He already told you he wasn’t in love with you anymore, so with that said he will probably do it again.”
“Sounds like it didn’t work out with the one night stand (they probably been talking a while) and now he’s trying to salvage his life. Make him start from scratch somewhere else. You deserve better than that.”
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