A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law (MIL). She says that she, her son, and her boyfriend live with her boyfriend’s mom (her MIL). The MIL constantly oversteps her boundaries and butts in on parenting matters that ultimately aren’t her business. She leaves passive-aggressive notes for the mom to find. She overrules this mom’s desires for her child (including for things like vaccines and food.) She also says that her boyfriend never stands up for her against his mom. Unfortunately, this mom is not in a place to move out with her family just yet, so how can she cope with her MIL in the meantime?
A member of the community asks:
“I do not get along with my mother in law: Advice?
I just need some advice… my mother-in-law drives me crazy. She’s very controlling and is constantly trying to butt in when it comes to my son. We currently live with my bf’s parents and I just can’t deal. I feel like my bf never stands up for me.
I want to do a delayed vaccine schedule (judge me if you want but it’s what I feel is right) and I find printed out papers about how I’m so wrong to do that. But it’s not her call to do stuff like that. She’s constantly getting in the middle of things and if it’s not her way, it’s wrong. I wish we could move out, but it’s just not in the budget right now.
I try to hold my tongue bc it’s easier to not fight with her. But enough is enough! I feel alone with this. I get he’s momma’s little boy… but I feel like he should stick up for me sometimes. I don’t want to give my son meat until he’s a year old and she’s telling me he needs protein and tries to go to the store and buy meat for him. Like I’m tired of this stuff and I don’t feel respected. And every time I try to stand my ground she gives me an evil death stare and I just back down. I feel so unhappy living here. I just feel depressed and alone.
I try telling my bf but he says that it was causing a big thing if she’s wrong and she won’t talk to me for days. It’s just not fair and I’m at a loss. She’s a great Gigi, but I am the mother and I’m the one who calls the shots. There are so many other things she’s done that have stepped boundaries but that’s the few that happened in the past couple days… what do I do to cope with this?”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Overrules Her Parenting Choices and Is Overall a Pain to Deal With
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Don’t like it? Move out. Can’t afford it? Move in with your own parents and live separately from your boyfriend. Your mother-in-law is obviously not going to change for you and your living under her roof. Suck it up or move out.”
“I don’t care if it is her house, you are the mother. As long as you’re following her house rules, it doesn’t mean you have to do what your mother-in-law wants with your child. If you want to wait then wait as long as your doctor doesn’t say anything and the baby is happy and healthy, then do what you want. Just ignore her until you can get your own place because it’s not going to get better. Good luck.”
“Yes, it is your decision to do what is best for your child, but also you should be talking with the doctor. Especially for the shots. My doctor told me to feed my son whatever we eat. To start with meats then veggies and fruit. They need the iron and protein. But I would talk to your dr about the shots and food. She shouldn’t be leaving stuff but to talk to you about it. But if you don’t like it move out.”
“While I do not agree with some of these choices, I am not this child’s parent and neither is the boyfriend’s mother. Just because they are living under her roof does not mean the “MIL” gets to dictate what she does or doesn’t do for her child. That makes absolutely no sense… I would move out ASAP because trust me from experience, this will not get better until you do.”
“It’s a tough situation. We lived with family and it never goes well. Her house her rules but she should respect your wishes. As far as your boyfriend not sticking up for you it’s hard for him, you are living with his family and it will create a bigger problem is everyone is fighting. Make peace until you can get your own place.”
“Here’s the thing: you’re a new mom. You need to learn how to take constructive criticism by someone who has more experience than you. You’re bound to make mistakes but you learn from them. I don’t agree with delaying vaccinations or delaying meat. Especially with what’s going on now should be a wake-up call as to how important vaccines are…
… Anyway, that topic aside at the end of the day it’s your child and you make the decisions along with the father. But you also have to be open to constructive criticism and not feel personally attacked if she suggests something. It’s most likely coming from a place where she cares more about her grandchild’s well-being than insulting you. So in that sense, you should probably get over yourself and think more about your child. It seems like you have this power trip thing going on. But anyway good luck. Hope it works out.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.