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QUESTION:
“This would be her sixth child. She has two up in heaven and two on earth, well three including my child. I guess I just don’t know how to feel about it. I mean, she hardly has her kids since her parents have [them] most of the time. We are getting a house soon, and I don’t know if I want her over there’s some I don’t know animosity. Maybe I just don’t understand it. How would you feel about it? Is this something I should talk to her about? I think I just needed to vent and get it out. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.“
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“So, you are asking if you should cut out your sister in law because she is having another child? Is that what you are meaning? Because, if she has your child, as your post seems to suggest, I assume there is a reason for that. Also if she chooses to have another child, that isn’t really your concern. That’s a pretty petty thing to be bitter over especially if she has already lost 2 of her kids. Just saying.”
“None of that is your business.”
“She is your sister in law her life choices are not any of your business regardless if you approve of them or not.”
“Peace is something to treasure and if there’s someone disturbing it then it needs to be eliminated at all cost no matter the person. Adults learn how to deal w things but a child hasn’t been there yet and it effects them differently.”
“You’re fully allowed to cut anyone out of your life if you want. I’ve done it with several people because they’re rude or we just don’t get along. However, if I’m understanding correctly, you’re cutting her out for having a child? If that’s the case, that isn’t really your business.”
“How does your partner feel? As she is his/her sister and they may not want to cut her out of t[heirs] or [theirs] child’s life, I am not sure what the point is about how many children she has? But if that’s why you want to cut her out then I don’t think that is fair. I also would not include your child as one of her children. Good luck in whatever you decide.”
“So she’s pregnant with her fifth child not sixth because your kid is not her kid. Her having another child is [none] of your business and you shouldn’t have any animosity about it unless you’re the one taking care of the two she already has.”
“Well….you can support her from afar….you don’t need to have an active role front row seat and act like her bestie…. Just be honest, but do it delicately. Tell her where you stand, and leave at that.”
“Whatever OP needs to do to preserve her sanity. Just let all the kids know they have siblings. If OP can deal with the grandparents who are raising two of the sister’s kids, it would be great if they could be in each other’s lives. Assume everyone has given up on sister being responsible or even using birth control (though getting her Norplant, IUD or tubes tied would be a blessing at this point). Also assuming sister won’t go to counseling. Not sure what precipitated her going off the rails & being unable to care for any of her children, but clearly therapy is in order.”
“She has your kid? Why do you care how many children she has? Maybe worry about raising yours?”
“People just have to learn in their own way. The harder we try and force our opinions on what they should do or shouldn’t, in the long run it’s too much energy for you to take on when in reality, it’s her situation. If she has 2 in heaven then she probably has things she needs to work through herself because it has impacted her. This is a weird story but big picture is either talk to her about whatever you need to talk about or continue on with life.”
“Communicate….even if you still decide you don’t want her over. Talk to her, as uncomfortable as it might be.”
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