A mom writes in asking for advice about a comment her 8-year-old stepson made regarding her 11-month-old daughter. She says her stepson asked her and her husband (the boy’s father) if they would “be mad if I killed Mila (the baby).” This mom was so shocked she didn’t know what to say, and after asking “medical professionals” if that falls under the umbrella of “normal jealous siblings’ behavior” and being told “no,” she is turning to the community for advice.
A member of the community asks:
“Do I have a right to be mad about what my husband’s son said?
My family is blended. My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half almost. I have a 12-year-old son from my first marriage and my husband has a son who is 8 from a previous relationship. We have an 11-month-old daughter together. yesterday my stepson asked his dad and me “would you be mad if I killed Mila (our baby)”.
I honestly couldn’t believe he said it and I was in total shock, I couldn’t even speak. My husband just blew it off like it wasn’t a big deal. It is really bothering me a lot. I asked a couple of medical professionals if that is normal jealous siblings’ behavior, everyone said it is not. I asked my husband to get his son some help but I feel like he won’t even bother. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? My anxiety has been at an all-time high since this happened in our house.
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Alarmed by a Comment Her Stepson Made About Her Infant Daughter
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Tell him that everybody in the world would be mad at him if he killed her or anyone. Killing is never an option. Then ask him why he asked the question. 8-year-olds are very impressionable and take things literally. Explaining why it would be wrong and asking him where he got that idea from will help relieve some of your anxiety and teach him that it is not okay to think such things, let alone say them.”
“Don’t leave him alone with your daughter regardless not even for a second, he needs to be tested for bipolar, possible personality disorders etc! That is not normal for anyone to ask, let alone an 8-year-old!!”
“What other behaviors have you seen that point to him being this way? Either way just because he is 8 doesn’t mean he can’t understand what he is saying or going on, I do believe he needs a psychological examination. It is a big change to bring a baby into the family, BUT you need to get to the bottom of what he is feeling and why he has said this.”
“When my son was born 2 years ago my youngest was 8 she was the baby for 8 years so when she went to visit us at the hospital she brought a for sale sign. And cried for like 2 days she thought we loved the baby more. Talk to him ask him questions but do it one on one maybe spend an afternoon with just him.”
“I would question him to figure out why he’s asking. He could be asking for any reason from malicious intent/thoughts to simply hearing someone else ask that on a tv show and he’s just copying. I wouldn’t leave the baby alone with him. But figure out /why/ he asked and then go from there. Might be more innocent then it seems. Also, is he normally an aggressive kid? Does he say things like that often? It’s just important not to jump to conclusions. Also, tell him yes, you, his father, everyone would be mad, tell him that if he killed anyone he would end up in prison and it would be very bad.”
“Sounds to me like he’s missing out on a bit of attention and is saying things that will get attention… good or bad!! Include him more. Show him love and consider his feelings!!!!”
“It’s a cry for help and attention. He needs to see someone, but most importantly his DAD needs to talk to him and give him attention. However, if his words are accompanied by actions that are questionable or dangerous to himself or others in some way, do not wait to get professional help. You will regret it if you do.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.