Surprise pregnancy is never an easy thing to cope with, and for one mom-to-be, it’s turning into an actual nightmare.
Writing into Reddit’s popular Am I the A**hole subreddit, a 29-year-old woman shared her story. She said she had believed she was more or less infertile but ended up pregnant after a one night stand. And oh, it only gets crazier from there.
“Roughly two months ago,” the Original Poster (OP) states, “I had a one night stand with a guy. I don’t use birth control due to my condition but I did insist on a condom. Lo and behold I’m pregnant my gynecologist confirmed it.”
She goes on to say that, due to her circumstances — she makes decent money, has a support system, and she’s has always wanted to be a mom but didn’t think it was possible for her — she plans to keep the baby. Once making that decision, she contacted the father, her former one-night stand, and that’s when things started to get very, very messy.
“I contacted the father and told him,” she says. “I said I’d be happy to co-parent should he be interested but I understand if he isn’t. I would be filing for child support regardless though.” And then the other shoe dropped:
“The guy absolutely lost it and said I need to abort the baby and that I lied to him. Apparently he asked me what my opinion on abortion is to prevent this situation. I remember him asking me but he never specified his question and I thought it was more general. I told him I’m pro choice which is true. He must have interpreted this as me saying I’d abort any possible pregnancies.”
“Ever since he has been harassing me to abort,” the OP adds. “He must have given my number to his parents because today I got a call from his mother imploring me to have an abortion.”
The OP concludes her original post by saying that though she has made up her mind to keep the baby, she is feeling unsure about her decision, specifically in contacting the father and asking for child support. “I have made up my mind and I won’t have an abortion. My family is extremely supportive of my decision but I’m not sure if I’m in the right anymore,” she says.
And so her question to the Reddit community is: Am I the a**hole?
With more than 7,000 comments, reaction to the OP’s post was somewhat mixed, though the majority voted her “Not the A**hole.” However, the top-rated comment includes a bit more nuance:
“I am … really conflicted here. NTA for keeping the kid, I understand this could be your only chance and I’m glad you have this opportunity, but it’s incredibly unfair to be like “too bad you have to pay.” Assuming he used the condom properly, he did everything he could to not have a child. He asked if you’re pro choice, which I take (and always have) as asking if someone would be willing to have an abortion should the worst happen.
He tried his best to have a carefree night of boning and then you decide for him that his entire life will change. It’s not fair to him. You want this child, you can afford the child, and you have support for this. Do it by yourself. You should keep this child because you want it. You demanding child support is an a-hole move.”– Reddit / hham42
Another response, though, better sums up the community’s consensus:
First. It’s ridiculous to say Pro Choice means you abort. It means the woman has a choice. It’s right in the name…
Second. No Birthcontrol is 100%. He played roulette where everything is a win but green. Now he lost. If he didn’t like the odds he shouldn’t play.
Third. The needs of the child are paramount. The child support isn’t for you, it’s for your child.”– Reddit / SCKR
We don’t think the OP is in the wrong at all. It takes two to tango and two to make a baby. Whether or not she decides to proceed in asking him to contribute financially, it’s her choice to do it. And either way, congratulations to her on becoming a mom!
Matt is a writer, editor, and content strategist currently based in Washington state. He has worked as a managing editor for the iconic I Can Has Cheezburger, Celebuzz (a SpinMedia site), and now Mamas Uncut. He also acted as the Social Media Director for CafeMom.
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