A woman recently posted to Reddit’s AITA forum to ask the internet if she was in the wrong for getting upset for using a baby name that was a sensitive subject for the OP (original poster.)
“In January I (25F) and my husband (36M) lost our daughter when I was 38 weeks along. It was a totally healthy pregnancy until I went into labor and she didn’t make it. Her name was going to be Isabella Rose.”
“I’m not one of those people who “claim” a name. My SIL (28F) told me how much she loved the name Isabella when we first announced it, and joked around that she was sad her and my brother couldn’t use it for their future children. We found out she was pregnant right around the time I lost my Isabella. It was hard at first BUT I’m so happy for my SIL and brother (32M) and I’m truly so happy that our family is going to have a little baby to mush over, and I can’t wait to spoil the crap out of my little niece.”
But things quickly took a turn when the OP discovered through Facebook some shocking news.
“This morning, though, my sister-in-law made the official announcement she’s having a girl (which I already knew) and also that her name is going to be Isabella Rose (which I did NOT know.)”
“They say they’re doing it to honor my baby’s memory. Which I think is great but…I found out over Facebook. Just like everyone else. I feel like this is something they should’ve consulted me with first.”
The OP goes on to share how while she is working through the loss — the name feels inappropriate and she wishes she could have had a conversation before her brother and SIL made the announcement.
“Because the truth is even though I think it’s sweet I also wish they wouldn’t. A middle name maybe? Or something like that. Maybe this is petty and childish of me because like I said I’ve never been one to “claim” a name but this name is now so personal to me. My husband and I talk to our Isabella Rose every day. I’m in therapy but I’m not over losing her yet. And I know that’s not my SIL or brothers issue but…isn’t it something they should’ve consulted me about first? Finding out over social media really hurts especially since the name is supposed to be honoring MY child. But I also know I’m still pretty deep in the grieving process so I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not. AITA? Should I just thank them for honoring my kid and move on?”
One person said: “I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry that your SIL & brother are such insensitive jerks. They are being incredibly cruel and are using the excuse of “honoring” your daughter to be selfish. If Isabella Rose was honestly the only name in the whole world they wanted (unlikely but not impossible I suppose) then the very least they could have done is sit down with you privately to discuss it. Them announcing publicly is a tactic designed to make you feel unable to speak up and voice your discomfort. If you feel able to perhaps talk with your therapist about scripts for discussing this with them? It might be easier to write them a letter so you don’t have to have this conversation in person. You are 100% NTA.”
While another commented: “Better not hold our breath. Entitlement and selfishness come from emotional immaturity, and this level of emotional immaturity is not going to change no matter what OP does. The only way to have them change their mind is to tear down their public facade by telling the truth in public. Bullies only respect a bigger bully, and only fear being exposed, aka anyone showing the truth behind their pretty facade. Be firm with your personal boundaries, dole out harsh consequences for breaking them or they will stomp all over you. Message all family members and relatives so they can’t use them to attack you.”
What do you think? Comment below!
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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