A sister posted in the Am I The A**hole subreddit to ask commenters whether or not she was overreacting after her younger sister “stole her thunder” and announced her pregnancy ahead of the original poster (OP).
The OP wrote that she has been trying for a baby for ten years. In that time, she and her husband have had their fair share of heartache. As she wrote in the post, she’s had “six miscarriages, two stillbirths, and two failed surrogacies.” She is now happily five months pregnant with her first baby and was excited to share the news with her family at her dad’s 70th birthday party.
Her sister has three children. Though she loves her sister’s kids, the OP notes that “I’m human and every time she announced a baby my heart broke a little more.” On the day of her dad’s birthday party, OP realizes her sister is pregnant with her fourth child and tells her that she’s also expecting and that she “couldn’t wait to tell everyone” at the party.
Then, a couple hours into the party, OP’s sister goes up to their dad and to him she’s expecting their fourth child. While her father was ecstatic, OP was very upset. Her father came up to her and said, “another niece or nephew for you, Jess, isn’t that nice?” She responded, “yeah it is, especially now that MY baby will have someone to play with.” She noted that she felt that her dad wasn’t as excited as he could have been.
OP posed the question to the Reddit community, saying that “I took my sister aside and explained to her how hurtful it was to have her announce her baby when I’ve never got to do it before.” Her sister did not respond empathetically and the two are not currently speaking.
One commenter asked for clarification about whether or not OP had explicitly told her sister that she would be announcing her pregnancy at the wedding. She replied saying that she did not tell her explicitly, but did feel that it was clear.
“You’re NTA (not the a**hole for being upset. I would like to think that maybe your sister just didn’t know you were planning to announce it that day,” one commenter said.
“I understand that it was hard for you to get where you are with this pregnancy and I know it means a lot, but BOTH pregnancies are aloud to be exiting and her pregnancy shouldn’t make yours any less,” another said.
Many pointed out that communication was key. “You didn’t make your expectations clear. This means she is not the a**hole for not being a mind reader. However, you’re entitled to your feeling, and being hurt does not make you an a**hole,” someone wrote.
Some commenters also pointed out that her dad’s reserved reaction was most likely because OP had already suffered so many pregnancy losses. “You have to understand that they might have a mixed-feeling reaction to your announcement considering your pregnancy history,” one pointed out.
The final verdict? OP is not the a**hole, and we think that’s the right call.
When I’m not hanging out with my three-year-old and husband in Brooklyn, I’m busy writing stories for Mamas Uncut and managing PR + Marketing for Magnolia Bakery, based in New York City. On weekends, you can usually find me at a local park or playground pushing my daughter on the swings, “researching” the best almond croissants in Park Slope or launching into impromptu family dance parties at home, the sidewalk or, every once in awhile, a restaurant bathroom. I’m still trying to master the whole parenting thing, but I have learned that copious amounts of coffee, humor and humility are involved on a daily basis.
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