If you don’t already know about Daddy Doubts AKA WTFDAD, a hilarious dad who loves sharing his observations about married life and parenting on Twitter, let us introduce you. Parenting is a lot of things all at once and Doubts manages to condense the comedy, insanity, absurdity, and love into perfect little tweets. The internet can be a toxic place, but Doubts manages to keep things equally trashy and always nails a good dad joke.
We decided to look at some of Daddy Doubts’ latest tweets and share some of the funniest with you to give you a taste of what he’s all about. If you’re a parent, you know how bonkers raising a child is. Doubts is a father to a toddler and he’s clearly going through it. Here are 25 incredible tweets about parenting and marriage that will bring a smile to your face and let you know that you’re not alone. It really is as bad as you think it is.
3yo: dad I’m swimming!— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 8, 2020
Me: amazing but try not to drink so much of the water!
3yo: I keep drinking the water!
Me: I know don’t drink the water!
3yo: I just drank more of the water!
Me: please stop drinking the water!
3yo: my belly hurts!
Well, dad tried to warn that little one!
After two weeks in new england my 3yo has developed a boston accent so now he acts AND sounds like an asshole.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 12, 2020
We’re glad the toddler has an accent to match his behavior.
Sure your own kids are annoying, but have you ever met other people’s kids?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 4, 2020
This. Tolerating your own children is a tall order. Tolerating the children of others is just impossible.
After ten do you tell your child to go to sleep or do you scream it— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 2, 2020
At a certain point, the patience runs thin. You have to weigh whether you’ll yell at them at night to get them to bed or in the morning when they’re a grumpy demon for not going to bed.
Streaming Into the Future
Once your children learn to use Netflix on their own the rest of your life can truly begin.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 25, 2020
They grow up so fast. But, not fast enough.
Needs Vacation from Vacation
What’s your favorite part about traveling with kids and why is it not a god damn thing— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 1, 2020
Traveling, in general, isn’t all too pleasurable. With kids, it’s worse than you ever imagined.
3yo: what makes you happy?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 6, 2020
Me: you do.
Me: why what makes you happy?
This tweet is perfect. Yes, cheese is happiness and this little toddler is refreshingly honest about it.
The Sun By Any Other Name
3yo: does the sun have a name?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 25, 2020
Me: the sun goes by many names but we just call it the sun.
3yo: no the sun is named bob.
Me: oh I didn’t know that.
3yo: that’s because you’re not smart.
Soak up the Bob, there’s a new name for the sun and you better like it.
Take a Breath
3yo: I‘m gonna get naked.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 26, 2020
Me: um okay…why?
3yo: my butt needs to breathe.
We appreciate this toddler’s brutal honesty about butt-breathing.
100% of marriage is doing whatever my wife says because I fear for my life— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 2, 2020
This tweet feels so right. A wise dad right here.
When your kid does that move where they wake up early and then stay up late, that’s called a 2020— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 2, 2020
2020 doesn’t seem to stop. Some days, neither do the children. Please take a break.
dating: unconditional love— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 29, 2020
marriage: excessively conditional love
All relationships are transactional. Marriage just so happens to be the most transparent example.
Sweet Land of Puberty
My kid just called the statue of liberty the statue of puberty, and this is the content I signed up for when becoming a parent.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 20, 2020
With puberty and justice for all! A kid delivering a winner like this is the only rewarding part of being a parent.
They Raise You
Yes it’s our job to teach our children, but last night my toddler ate strawberries in the bath, so there’s also a lot we can learn from them as well.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 19, 2020
Bath-snacks are criminally underrated. Any toddler will teach you this.
Not Asked, But Answered
Me: I like your shirt.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 19, 2020
3yo: you can’t wear it.
Me: I didn’t ask.
3yo: bc you’re too fat.
Me: I DIDN’T ASK.
A toddler can really turn a conversation around in an instant. The ruthlessness.
Me: you are my number one.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 16, 2020
Toddler: you are my number five.
How is this toddler so savage?
Lunch is Served
Me: what do you want for lunch?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 16, 2020
3yo: a pickle.
Me: a pickle is not a meal.
3yo: two pickles.
Can you argue with this reasoning?
When your kid grows tall enough to flip the light switches on and off all by themselves congratulations, you live in a haunted house now.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 16, 2020
There’s no rhyme or reason for why they do anything. Expect to find every light in every room on at any given point of the day.
Fatherhood in a Tweet
What’s another way to say that my best friend is 3 year old? I want to get this cry for help just right.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 29, 2020
The first step is admitting it to yourself. Your adult friends have known for some time now.
Me: you want ketchup or mustard on your hotdog?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 28, 2020
3yo: ketchup please.
Me: YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!
Every Chicagoan fears the day this happens. It’s just not right.
Our wedding anniversary is this weekend and I can’t decide where to bring my wife to dinner: the living room or the dining room?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 26, 2020
Romance in the time of corona is a lot dumber than we thought it would be.
And the oscar for best actor goes to my toddler, for his harrowing portrayal of “satan”— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 26, 2020
Some kids aren’t messing around. They’ll go full method on a parent without a warning.
Rules Are Rules
Playing with kids is like being in a hostage situation. Just do exactly as they say and no one gets hurt.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 22, 2020
Playtime means the kids are the boss. That’s how it works.
Me: what do you want for dinner?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 21, 2020
Me: you want cheese on that nothing?
3yo: yes please.
Again. We appreciate this child’s uncorrupted love of dairy.
Just Like Dad
My toddler shouted “I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF YOU” and then locked himself in his bedroom. When we asked what happened he replied “nothing I’m just being daddy”— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 31, 2020
Like father, like son. A beautiful thing to behold.
There you go! We hope you enjoyed this very funny parenting tweets from one of our favorite dads on Twitter.
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