One man is asking Reddit if he is the a****** for outing his wife about the premarital sex they had in front of her parents.
“I posted a few days to a week ago (deleted now) about my wife making my brother (18) cry, and I didn’t know the reason at that point, but I do know why now. The gist of the original post was that my wife grew up religious and showed signs of disapproval towards my brother for having a baby with his girlfriend, obviously young and unmarried. She never said anything outright rude (until now).”
“We were at my mum’s house when she told my brother that he is the reason my niece is still in hospital (she was premature). That they (him and his girlfriend) asked for it when they were were ‘selfish’ for having sex and that they are ‘facing the consequences of their actions.’ I’m pretty sure she said more but she refused to say whether she said anything else or not so I don’t know, I was upstairs when it all had taken place, while they were downstairs.”
“Obviously, I was p***** off when she told me what she said, my brother has never been one to cry, I don’t think I have seen him cry since he was maybe 3. I asked her to apologize to him she said no, we had an argument and she left to go to her parent’s house.”
“I tried to ring my brother to apologise but he didn’t answer, so I rang my mum to check on him and had to tell her why, so now she’s pissed too. She told me if I was coming over to just not bring my wife for a while until things cool down.”
“My wife came home with my MIL and FIL. As soon as they walked through the door they were on me saying that I was a terrible husband for taking the side of my ‘old family’ over my ‘new one’ (????), my FIL said that my wife was completely right in what she said, that premarital sex is a sin and my brother and his girlfriend (he did not call her his gf, he did, in fact, use a derogatory term) are deserving in everything they got.
“My MIL said that teen parents breed teen parents referring to my mum having me at 19 (clearly gossiping about my family is part of their leisure time).”
“I had enough so I told them to get out, they surprisingly obliged saying that if I am going to defend them then clearly I am no better than them and they’ll gladly leave, I said well yeah I am no better than them seeing as premarital sex wasn’t off the list for me and my wife.”
“Now everyone is p***** at me for defaming my wife. I mean what I said was the truth so I don’t know how I was defaming anyone.”
One user said: “NTA. You married a very cruel woman.. might want to rethink that.”
While another commented: “If there ever was a case study for fundamentalists being pro-birth and not pro-life, this is it. Holy f****** s***.”
“I’ll just add a bit of nuance to this. As someone who grew up [a] fundamentalist evangelical, the roots and wounds of her faith (whatever it may be) are extremely deep. For this reason, you might want to walk through the process of helping her realize that. She’s already ‘conflicted’ (she married you, someone not religious, and doesn’t live by those principles anymore). I’m sure she has a ton of internal guilt and nobody knows she’s a hypocrite as much as she probably does. If we learned anything from the Bible it’s that guilty people tend to throw stones.”
“No, that doesn’t excuse her cruelty and ‘sin deserves punishment’ attitude. Holy s***, I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she thinks an infant deserves birth complications — it reeks of ableism and a kind of rewards-punishment mentality that many fundies don’t even believe in. It’s possible she really is so heartless. Only she (and you to some extent) know the truth.”
“Obviously, obviously, NTA. But I’m not going to jump to ‘divorce her’ because I think she is a trauma victim. She needs to put in the healing work of therapy and cutting off her family who is clearly in control of her. It’s not your obligation to work through it with her, especially if she’s unwilling, but that is the alternative option here.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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