“My wife and I have a two-month-old daughter, Alicia,” the OP (Original Poster) began. “We’ve been having the piercing debate since before she was born. She comes from a culture where it’s the normal thing, but I’m just not comfortable with a painful process like that and would prefer to wait until she’s older so she can choose whether to go through that for herself.”
“While we still hadn’t made a decision, my wife went for a day with her family with the baby while I had a few things I needed to sort out.”
“When I got home the first thing I noticed was that Alicia had a pair of gold studs. I demanded to know what had happened and she said they decided to ‘make a day of it’ and just get them done. I felt pure rage and immediately removed the earrings and threw them away. This enraged my wife and she said removing them was ‘totally disrespectful.'”
“She slept in the spare room last night and isn’t speaking to me at all. As far as I’m concerned I did the right thing. She got them pierced without asking me (or more importantly, ASKING ALICIA), so I took them out because our baby doesn’t need bits of metal sticking out of her ears.”
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One user said: “Apparently some pediatricians pierce babies’ ears, which I think is really f***** up, and don’t understand how they’re allowed to do that. Pierced ears are literally just for aesthetic reasons, so why the h*** should doctors be doing that?”
While another commented: “NTA I’m of the opinion that a cultural norm that impedes another person’s bodily autonomy is not a cultural norm worth following – especially ones that can cause long term damage,” they began.
“My ears were pierced as a baby and I really wish they hadn’t been – the holes are uneven because my ears grew over time, and one hole is constantly painful/agitated and never heals over, likely damaged from the abomination that is a piercing gun. It would’ve been nice to make the choice myself and be able to go to a proper piercing shop to do so – instead, I have constant problems from having a piercing gun used on me when I could not consent.”
“Your wife knew your feelings on this and did it behind your back as a ‘better to ask forgiveness than permission’ move. She can cry about ‘disrespect’ all she wants but it was disrespectful to you, the child’s other parent, to do this behind your back. especially for something entirely aesthetic with multiple potential downsides if done incorrectly. Your daughter’s wellbeing is more important than her having a shiny rock in her ears.”
“I’m also questioning what the hell kind of place they got her pierced at – 2 months is incredibly young to get piercings done, and chances are good it was done with a piercing gun which can cause horrible damage to the ears (I know this first hand, unfortunately.)”
“Piercing guns also can’t be properly cleaned, they aren’t a safe option – period. Your wife needs to put aside her own wants in favor of your child’s safety and wellbeing.”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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