A mom writes in asking for advice about teaching her baby to self-soothe. This mom says she has been told that she needs to stop running to her baby the moment he starts crying, to stop sleeping with him, and generally to let him be more independent. She struggles to try to do so and feels like she is neglecting her child. She asks the community what the negative effects of not teaching her baby to self-soothe could be, and what the hardest thing moms who did teach self-soothing had to teach themselves.
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A member of the community asks:
“I’ve been told I need to let my baby self-soothe: Thoughts?
I’ve been told that I need to stop running to my baby the moment he cries and to stop sleeping with him for his comfort and to let him be more independent. The hard thing for me is to allow him to do that, and I feel like with being a new mum I find it as though I am neglecting my children needs to be comforted if I am told to ignore it if it’s just for cuddles or wanting to be picked up.
My question is, what are the negative effects of not letting your child self–soothe? And if you did let then become Independent, what was the hardest thing you had to teach yourself?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Struggling to Teach Her Baby to Self-Soothe
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“CIO (Cry it Out) is cruel and has been proven to cause long term damage. You run to that baby whenever you want to. They won’t always want to sleep with you or want to be held. Whoever is giving you this “advice” needs to butt out and let you do what you think is best.”
“Personally I don’t believe a baby/child will ever truly be confidently independent without having understood trust. Trust is what you teach your baby by responding to needs. Even if the need is comfort and love. Not just concrete needs like warmth, hunger, and nappy changes. I find expecting a child to self-soothe abnormal. Most adults don’t even know-how. Probably why.”
“When a baby cries that is how they communicate. They don’t know how to feed themselves or cook for themselves or make a bottle or change their own diaper. So I feel if a baby is crying trying to tell you something you should respond. Even if it’s just to be held for cuddles. There’s nothing wrong with that. You are the mom and it’s your baby you do what u please. As long as ur not harming anyone why does anyone care what you do to your baby?”
“Do what you feel is right for you and your baby, there is no wrong or right way. My children didn’t self soothe, and they were walking and talking before 1 year old, both extremely independent. All children are different and they all progress differently and at different times. Don’t be pressured by anybody. Your baby needs and loves you. You do whatever feels natural and don’t let anyone put you down or tell you you are wrong.”
“You cannot spoil a child. Maybe not rush immediately if they cry but at least check on them then if they continue crying pick up and comfort them. Babies can’t communicate besides crying. It does not hurt a baby to be picked up when they cry.”
“We sleep trained BECAUSE IT WORKED FOR OUR FAMILY. What worked for us might not work for you! What works for you might not work for us!!! If someone tells you you need to have your baby cry it out, say thank you for the advice and do what you feel is best! This is YOUR baby!!!”
“How old is your baby? I was told that for the first three months to answer baby’s every cry as this is how they gain trust. I also didn’t do cry it out. My son is 16 months old and occasionally will cry in his crib in the night, we usually give him about three mins because sometimes he puts himself back down. If he cries longer we of course go in to see what he needs. Every baby and every Mom is different. Do what is right for you.”
“Nope! It’s crap! I did my best to meet his needs – shared sleep, breastfed (if you can’t, a bottle is fine!), held, rocked, worn, and he is independent, responsible, and smart.”
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