Dad Says: ‘Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant’

Accidental pregnancies happen, for better and for worse, more often than many of us realize. But it is a rare feat, indeed, that a cat — or any family pet for that matter — is responsible for such an accidental pregnancy.

But according to one Redditor, that very thing happened. And something tells us we’ll be thinking about this amazing horror story for a long time.

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Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'

Reddit user Playtonic1 shared his story on the popular “Today I F***ed Up (TIFU)” Reddit subforum, where users write in the embarrassing stories of their mistakes. He begins by noting that he and his wife welcomed their first child just last year after a difficult pregnancy, in which his wife suffered preeclampsia and other physical and mental health effects. She welcomed an underweight baby boy two months early, but the family made it out of the wilderness, and now everyone is happy and healthy.

Due to their difficult first pregnancy (and the pandemic), this couple decided to hold off for a couple of years before having another child. To that end, they decided to use condoms as birth control until they were ready to have another. But it turns out their cat had different plans.

Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'

This is where the story gets very interesting. The Redditor writes, “Our cat is an evil genius. I seriously think the greasy orange little s*** is still smarter than our nearly one-year-old. He gets into everything, and I do mean everything. No door, drawer, or cabinet can stop him, and if he knows where something he wants is he WILL find it. It’s so bad that for weeks after adopting him I thought there was a poltergeist in the house because each morning I’d wake up to find every single cabinet door in the kitchen wide open!”

He then adds:

“Well, my first [f***] up was storing the condoms in the same drawer as the Q-tips, which he loves to get into and shred apart. He must have seen the box of Q-tips in the drawer when I put my rubbers away, because not even an hour later I stumbled upon a horrific scene of chewed plastic straws, shredded cotton fluff and shiny gold condom wrappers scattered around the gapping drawer that once contained them… I didn’t think anything of it at the time and just cleaned up the destroyed Q-tips and put the condoms that had spilled everywhere back into their box without a concern in the world.”

Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'

Oh no…

The OP then recounts how, later that night, when he and his wife started to get down to business, he didn’t think twice before pulling a condom out of that very drawer. A mistake he would not soon forget.

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The OP goes on to say, “Fast forward a few weeks to just the other day, when my wife was complaining of nausea and tender breast. We immediately shoot each a concerned glance as this ain’t our first rodeo, and she felt the same way before discovering her first pregnancy. She still had a half-empty box of tests from the year before and decided to take one just to be sure. Followed by another one… and another one… all positive.”

Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'

The OP then says that it suddenly dawned on him: the cat! “I ran over to bathroom drawer where I kept the condoms, dumped out the box on the counter and started to inspect each miserable little foil square. Sure enough, several had noticeable scratches, teeth marks, and even full blown punctures in them.” Oh, that darn cat!

He concludes his original post on a humorous note, saying, “Can’t wait to explain to my new son or daughter one day that they owe their existence to the family cat!” Well, it’s a good family story, to be sure.

Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'

In an edit to his original post, the OP shared a photo of his fiendish cat and a caption that perfectly sums up the feeling of being a resigned pet owner. “I’ve been informed of something called the cat tax. Below you’ll find a picture of the offending cat in all his greasy, orange glory. I think the picture sums up his personality well,” he says. Have a. peek at the little devil below.

Dad Says: 'Today I F***ed Up by Letting the Cat Get My Wife Pregnant'
SOURCE: Reddit / Imgur

Aww, such a cute little fella!

A demon, certainly.

But a cute one.

Congratulations to the happy couple, their kids, and, of course, their cat, who clearly wanted this to happen all along.

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