We’ve all been there! Who hasn’t ordered something random online and then been surprised when the wrong thing arrives or to discover that the item is way bigger or smaller than it looked? Chances are you have done this more in the last year than ever before due to the (presumed) safety shopping from home allows in a pandemic.
One woman shared a story online to beat all other online shopping stories! Thankfully, she had a great sense of humor about it and many others have found hilarity in unfortunate, depending on who you ask, situation. It involves vagina-shaped crystals, which absolutely exist.
A woman shared her hysterical story about ordering ‘crystal vaginas’ and it’s the best thing in the world.
A person who goes by the moniker Kumquatsquash shared a photo of a package that was recently delivered to her. On Mumsnet, she shared a photo, which you will find above, of a box filled with objects wrapped in yellow protective packaging. “Ordered some stock for my shop from Alibaba,” Kumquatsquash wrote. “As soon as I opened the box I suspected something was wrong as the wraps are bigger than expected. Can you guess what’s in them?”
The community happily played along and many others took pleasure in trying to guess what could possibly be in the box.
Most of the guesses from people were on the tame, wholesome side.
“Wool/yarn,” one person guessed.
“Tea?” wondered another.
“Looks like packs of oats or some sort of grain, maybe lentils,” another person ventured.
Others went the more treacherous route and guessed some darker possibilities.
“Amphetamines?” one individual guessed.
“I’m going for the obvious — coke,” tried another person.
A third commenter had an unusual guess of a different sort, “Dildos?”
“Ok, I’ll give you all a clue,” the original poster wrote. “I have a hippie/alternative shop selling crystals, macrame, incense, tapestries, etc. These are made from the same material I ordered, but definitely not the shape I ordered.”
Finally, after plenty of speculation, she decided to give up the game and share what was inside. *Warning* if you are offended by female genitalia, you might want to reconsider scrolling further.
The poster explained that she had ordered “raw, untumbled crystals.” What she got was “lapis lazuli, amazonite and rose quartz” shaped like vaginas. 30 of them, in fact!
“I’ve had a Google and they are called Yoni crystals,” she wrote further down the thread. “And worth far more than what I ordered!”
The crystals were seemingly inclusive as they came to Kumquatsquash in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. We do not know where these came from but we would not be shocked to learn that were sold by none other than Gwyneth Paltrow.
As you might expect the big reveal was met with good humor and plenty of jokes.
“What did you order? Fossilized fannies?” one person quipped.
“Those are interesting paperweights!” another person wrote. “Or do they have some other function? You will have to enlighten me. Are they, er, educational?”
While it might have been a mixup, the crystal vaginas might just end up being a big hit Kumquatsquash’s “hippie/alternative” shop. We imagine there’s a market for them among that crowd!
Andrew is a Chicago-based writer who enjoys finding the best of the internet, obsessively making lists, and cooking for friends. After studying Film and Art History, he developed a deep love for both topics. Celebrity news, pop culture, and stories that bring people together are his passions.
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