A mom writes in asking for advice about her 18-year-old daughter. She says her daughter, who is 18 and will be 19 next month, still lives at home despite having graduated from high school. Unfortunately, her daughter’s presence in the house causes fights amongst her other children. This mom feels it is time for her daughter to move out, but she is unsure if her daughter is mature enough to actually do so. Though the daughter has a job, it doesn’t pay well, so there is a financial concern as well.
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A member of the community asks:
“How can I get my daughter to move out?”
“My oldest is 18, has graduated from high school, will be 19 in October. Fights all the time with her siblings, it’s time for her to move out. Unfortunately, her job isn’t great. I am unsure whether she is mature enough to live on her own, but living here is too hard on the rest of us. How can I get her to move out?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants Her 18-Year-Old Daughter to Move Out of the House
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Why kick out a child? I never understood that. How about work with her and find out what’s really going on? Kicking children out because they’re ’18’ is the fastest way to send them into a hard life of trouble. Be supportive and find a solution that actually helps the problem not just sends it away.”
“So knowing your daughter has a job that won’t support her you want to force her into a bad situation because you didn’t teach how to treat her family with respect? Help her apply to college, talk to her, help her learn to save up, all better options. Be a parent.”
“Have her start off paying you ‘rent’… put that money towards a security deposit for an apartment or a room. Help the transition from your house to her own if things are getting toxic there.”
“As a parent, you should talk to your kids about their problems, not kick them out once they’re the legal age. You should help them slowly build up a life & money. They’re siblings they’re gonna fight. Unless you want your daughter hating you & her struggling then don’t kick her out. Also, don’t charge them to live there. That’s sad & ridiculous. That’s their home & you chose to have them so be a parent & help them at all times no matter the age.”
“Your daughter needs to grow up. You and your family members are not required to stay miserable because she can’t get her act together. It is also not your job to do everything for her. She needs to find a better job, she needs to find somewhere to live. If she wants to stay she needs to get it together. She will never go anywhere in life with mommy doing everything for her like everyone here is suggesting.Y’all want her to go to the interviews too.”
“First off, I think you are looking at it wrong. She’s your child. You talk about her like she’s a burden. If she is acting a certain way, address that behavior. It’s not time for her to move out, it’s time for you (her mother) to teach her responsibility so she can move out one day. Also, picking on siblings is normal. I am 30, the youngest, and all of my brothers & sisters still pick on me. family get-togethers are fun because of it. If she’s crossing a line, then discuss it with her. Set some basic rules and expectations for her and have a conversation with her.”
“I would talk to your daughter first, get her to understand she is an adult now and can’t be fighting with her little siblings. She has to be an example. I agree with having her help with bills in the house so she can start being responsible. She is your daughter, you are her safe place. If you don’t help her no one will!!”
“No one has any idea what the situation is like. Maybe she has done everything everyone is suggesting and her last resort is to have her move? Maybe the daughter is too toxic for the rest of the family. There are good parents and bad children. You can want a person to get counseling or help but the person needs to want to do it. You can’t force them. Maybe she does treat all her children equally and she still acts out towards everyone. It doesn’t sound like she’s a bad mom. She doesn’t sound like anything cuz we have no other information to go on. Everyone needs to get off their high horse.”
“Shoot, we’ve had 3 adult children move back home. One of them with children. One of them several different times. Our kids all have a key to our home. They come and go at will. We are never done parenting. I hope you will be able to fix this not only for her but you as well.”
“Time to set strict ground rules and treat her like a roommate. Start charging her rent, utilities, and have her do her own grocery shopping/cooking, etc. Once you’ve collected enough rent to put a deposit down on an apartment, give her notice to move out, and when she finds a place, give her the ‘rent’ she was paying you for her deposit. If she’s disrupting the household and fighting with her younger siblings then it sounds like it’s time for her to get on her own feet. It will teach her to appreciate how easy she has it living at home.”
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