A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband. She says she has been with her husband for six years and married for four. He has a history of not always planning something special for important dates and anniversaries. But recently, he came home on their fourth wedding anniversary and didn’t even acknowledge that it was their anniversary. This mom had expected to go out; instead, he said he was tired and fell asleep. This mom is heartbroken and angry. What should she do?
A member of the community asks:
“My husband didn’t even acknowledge our anniversary: Thoughts?
I need advice.. my husband and I have been together for six years but married for 4. We own a home together and have two kids together. In the past, I always above and beyond for him on holidays. This past Christmas, he did not get me one single thing. Valentine’s Day, he finally got around to ordering me my Pandora charm for Christmas. Then a ring I picked and said I like. It’s from Pandora.
Mother’s Day – nothing. I got him something for Father’s Day. Yesterday was our 4-year wedding anniversary. I got him a detail package for his truck, a heartfelt card, and a t-shirt. He came home yesterday and didn’t even say Happy Anniversary. He went to the couch and sat down. My sisters and mom live in a house separated from ours on our property. They offered to babysit so we could go out. I ask him, hey, we go out to dinner? He says, ‘I don’t have the energy.‘
I work for six days, sometimes seven days a week. I own my business. I had to fight back the tears and didn’t say anything, thinking he would have been joking. He literally fell asleep and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. We’ve had this fight many times. I am a simple woman. I am usually very vocal about my thoughts, so it’s hard not to yell at him. But I don’t want to feel like I need to nag. I would have been happy with a card and Reese’s cup. My feelings are beyond hurt.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Husband Forgot Their Wedding Anniversary
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“You ladies make me want to roll my eyes until they fall out of my head. She isn’t looking for gifts! Sure she mentioned it but it’s the thought that counts and y’all are missing that part. THE THOUGHT IS NOT THERE. That is a problem.”
“What is with everyone saying to just leave anytime things get bumpy? I totally get how your feelings would be hurt, girl. And they of course matter. But you know he could be going through something at work or there’s something just going on with him that you aren’t seeing. Yelling at him isn’t the answer. Just ask him to take some time and talk with you and explain how that whole thing really hurt you. He’s with you, and you share a life together. It’s worth having a calm conversation rather than just leave, yell or deal with it as some people like to advise.”
“Stop doing it for him and spend that money on YOU!!!”
“Stop expecting much from him & you won’t be so hurt … Start treating yourself to things/time that you feel you deserve. Spend more time with family & friends. Love yourself, you deserve nice things, even if you have to get them yourself. At least you know you’ll get what you want.”
“Girl, he’s not a mind reader. You need to tell him what’s on your heart and be honest. You need to tell him what YOU need from him and vice versa. Don’t listen to these ladies telling you you need a divorce. That is such a crock! No wonder the divorce rate in this country is as high as it is. This relationship needs some simple communication. And remember, communication is both talking and listening. Y’all need to figure out where you can meet in the middle. I suggest not going in guns blazing, because it won’t get you anywhere. Half of the battle is in the approach. The other half what you say and HOW you say it.”
“It hurts when there’s no effort. Your situation is like literally the same as mine. Every detail. Finally, I told my husband how much it hurt my feelings. He’s coming around now. Just know sometimes people don’t understand your love language. His love language must be different than yours. Sit him down and tell him why it’s important to you. I finally did this last year and it did help.”
“Definitely tell him how you feel. If it bothers you then you have to tell him or it won’t get any better. Don’t listen to everyone saying their husbands don’t do anything for them. If it’s important to you that’s all that matters. Communication is so important in a healthy relationship!”
“Your feelings should be hurt. He could have at least acknowledged it was your anniversary and said ‘babe, I love you but I’m so tired. Can we celebrate this weekend?’ At the very least.”
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