A TikTok user and mom, Cayce LaCorte, decided to answer the prompt, which asked parents what is one thing others may find weird but is actually very healthy. Her answer to put it plainly: virginity does not exist.
Cayce’s video quickly went viral with over 2 million views. In the clip, the mom of 5 reveals why she is raising her five daughters to believe that virginity is not a real option.
“It is a patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose — other than making women feel bad about ourselves. Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life does not change your worth, it does not change who you are, it doesn’t do anything other than it happened. Sex is important. It’s a big deal. It should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time…it’s just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous,” she says in the clip.
She continues, saying: “I get a lot of crap from other moms saying, ‘Oh well, do you think that will make your daughters promiscuous? Don’t you think?’ And I am like, ‘No, I am raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices and make smart, intelligent choices — not because some book says not to.'”
When speaking to BuzzFeed, Cayce said she believes her video spoke to many people because she articulated what many have trouble putting into words.
“I also think that there’s a large group of parents of young children who hadn’t thought that far ahead yet,” she said.
In addition, she believes her video is not just about virginity.
“It’s about the way we force arbitrary rules on ourselves and our kids and miss the big picture. Instead, we could focus on education about pregnancy, STDs, self-worth. How about, instead of making the first time special, make sure it’s always special because that’s the bare minimum you deserve.”
Cayce currently lives in Charleston, South Carolina with her five daughters who range in age from 7 to 16.
And when it comes to teaching her kids about sex, Cayce doesn’t have “one big talk.” But instead, she has a lot of little conversations as they grow.
“I start young, focusing on body autonomy — not having to hug someone or let a relative kiss them. I make sure they understand the technical names for the parts of their bodies. I want them to know that it’s OK to cause a scene if they feel threatened or even just scared,” she said, sharing how young kids are often taught to be quiet and “not cause a scene” when something they don’t like happens.
“Kids are going to take their cues from us — they’re watching us all the time. If you’re uncomfortable and don’t want to talk about it, they’re less likely to come to you with questions, so take some time and analyze your own hang-ups as well,” Cayce said.
As she stated before, Cayce believes the concept of virginity is ridiculous.
“Purity culture is toxic at its core. Women are treated vastly different than men because its roots are steeped in a history of women being property. Can you imagine what the world would look like if society put half as much effort into making the world a safer place for women, instead of worrying that she’s not a virgin for her husband?”
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
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