A wife writes in asking if she has the right to be upset that her husband still keeps in contact with his ex.
A Community Member asks:
“I found out my husband stayed in contact with his ex-girlfriend of 8 years. I met him a few years ago, and after talking to him about how it made me feel that they still talked, he told me he would cut her off. Well, come to find out, they meet every few months to have lunch and “catch up.” Do I have a right to be upset? They have no kids and have no reason to keep in touch.”
Community Advice For The Wife Asking If She Has The Right To Be Upset That Her Husband Keeps In Contact With His Ex
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this worried wife, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members had much to say about this concern. You can read some of their comments below.
“Even if they were “just friends” the fact that he lied and said he would no longer see her because of how it made you, his partner, feel– that’s your red flag. If there was nothing to hide why not be honest? I don’t know, I feel like this is going to hurt harder in the end but good luck.”
“People can be friends with their ex… I’m friends with several of mine and there isn’t a chance in hell of anything beyond friendship. The only issue I see is that you asked him to stop and he continued on without trying to talk to you about it.“
“I think the problem is he said he would cut contact and he didn’t and you now found out they meet. That is what would upset me. I think men and women can be friends and nothing more and maybe he and his ex know there would never be happy in a relationship but great as friends. Them being friends I don’t think it is an issue.”
“Then you should tell him you ran into an old boyfriend and you’re going to have lunch with him watch his reaction and I would tell him why is it okay for you but not for me.“
“I’d be more concerned he lied about them meeting up. Then they are actually meeting up. Communication is the most important part of a relationship. I would take some time apart and see where his loyalties are. Sometimes if you take a step back, people will show you who they are.“
“For me, the issue would be that he lied about it…not that he’s still friends with her.“
“My ex-husband and I were best friends after divorce. I sure didn’t want him back as a husband. I met his girlfriends. I would say ‘don’t hide I want to meet her’. Become friends maybe. Keep your friends close and enemies closer. You know more that way!“
I noticed that many of the responses were the same. This was also my very first reaction or thought. The fact of him talking to his ex is not the problem. The problem is that when he said he would stop contacting her, he then began to see her in private and lied to you about it.
This meeting up could really be just innocent. Maybe suggest you all meet up together. It seems he wants her in his life for some reason, so instead of doing it in private, let it be in the open. There were some who said they were still good friends with their exes, so it is possible. So do what you can to let it be done with your knowledge and not in secrecy.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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