In a Wednesday’s episode of The Bellas Podcast, Nikki sat down with her twin sister Brie Bella where she revealed she has been feeling “super depressed” after the birth of her son Matteo with fiancé Artem Chigvintsev.
“I love being the best, I want to be number one. … I’ve realized I’ve taken that mentality as a mom.”
Nikki told her sister, welcomed her son Buddy less than 24 hours before Nikki gave birth to Matteo.
She also added, “I’ve always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally. I’m very strong in that way.”
But continued, saying: “Postpartum has knocked me on my ass. This is something that is way different.”
While shooting Total Bellas, the new mom revealed how she “refused to ask for help” in caring for Matteo and ended up having a “massive breakdown”
Nikki, 36, went on to reveal how it wasn’t until her sister checked in on her that she realized she needed help.
“I think Brie, was the first person who’s asked me in weeks — it was in front of Bryan — she goes, ‘How are you doing?’ I was about to say, ‘Fine.’ And my lips started shaking and I burst into alligator tears. Like, I broke down. Because that was the first time someone asked me in a while how I was doing, and I wasn’t doing okay,” she said.
She admitted how she was not aware of the mental struggles that would happen after having a baby.
“I didn’t realize at week seven, you kind of come out of your baby blues and … go two different paths,” she said. “You go the path of being healthy or you go down the path of being depressed, and that depression path can be a really dark, deep hole. I was starting to feel invisible.”
Nikki continued, “It just started to build up. Being alone with Matteo and just feeling lonely and not loved and invisible.”
And when her fiancé Chigvintsev, 38, returned from filming Dancing with the Stars, Nikki said she started to feel anger toward the Russian dancer.
“He’s like ‘At times, I felt like you were starting to hate me.’ He’s like, ‘You could be mean.’ And I’m not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean,” she recalled. “I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It’s true. There were times I’d look at him and I’m like, ‘I think I hate you.’ “
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