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QUESTION: Should I Let My 18-Year-Old Daughter Have Her Boyfriend Stay Over?
“My daughter is 18 and wants her boyfriend to stay over.
I’m a little nervous, to tell the truth, as I had a baby at 18 and I’m trying to protect her. She’s been with him for six months and I’m the worst in the world and too overprotective. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“That’s hard. On one hand she’s being honest and asking permission, on the other hand it’s your house and your rules… and yet on another note… tbh something in me would be comfortable knowing they’re under your roof instead of God knows where.”
“My 20 year old in the army brings home his GF but he respects us and she sleeps in his sister’s room and him with his brothers. Him and her both think it’s disrespectful. That and he has younger brothers and sisters he wants to set an example for.”
“Your house. Your rules. She wants to sleep with her boyfriend she can get her own place.”
“She’s 18. Idc if she’s living at home. She should still be allowed freedom within reason. And to me this is within reason.”
It’s not even about the sex. They are probably sexually active already. It’s more about respect. How is she going to ask you if her boyfriend can spend the night? My daughter at 18 wasn’t allowed to go in her bedroom and hang out. They had to hang out in the living room or porch. They are still together 10 years later and have a 2 year old and their own place. As parents we have to guide and prepare them for adulthood. And allowing the boyfriend to spend the night and if she doesn’t stay with him she will think it’s ok for all her boyfriends to stay over.”
“I was also a teen mom at 18, and I don’t care what anyone says, 18 was still too young, I hadn’t even experienced life yet, and I will be the mean, overprotective mom. Having babies and jumping into serious, life changing relationships at too young an age is a cycle I would like to break with my children, and I do feel like 18 is too young for that.”
“She will go somewhere else with him if you say no, I say take her to the doctors make sure she is being safe before you let him stay and have a talk with her. Make her feel like she can come to you.”
“She’s shown you respect and trust in coming to you. You can choose to repay it or continue treating her as a child…”
“That’s a hard no in my house! I didn’t sleep in the same room as my now-husband in my parents’ house until we were married. It was out of respect and maybe old fashioned, but it worked for everyone. No uncomfortable looks, awkwardness, etc.”
“It’s your house. Your rules. My daughter is 21 and still does do that. An she has been with her boyfriend for 4 years.”
“The only time I’ve ever slept in the same room was with my ex at 27, and we had a 3-month-old at the time visiting my family. Unless it’s my HUSBAND that is a no-go under my parents’ roof. Get a hotel room if that’s the case!”
“She’s 18… if she gets pregnant, she gets pregnant. You can’t prevent that from happening if she’s meant to get pregnant, she’s meant to get pregnant for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I can see as a parent you trying to protect her, but she’s an adult. It might take baby steps but I personally would step off a bit and let things work it out for themselves…
… You don’t want to be far too involved in that side of her relationship… that isn’t good for any of you. I get she’s 18, your child, and I don’t know if she’s paying anything to live with you at home BUT – if I were in your shoes, I’d let him stay the night. Your daughter is a young adult. You don’t want to push her away.”
“Your daughter is 18. She’s an adult, while I understand that it is your house an your rules, would you rather her move out and in with him so they can stay together? If it were up to me, I’d allow it. They’ve been together for 6 months, you’ve had plenty of time to get to know him an if you haven’t that’s on you. In my opinion it’s not a huge deal, especially if you like the boyfriend and think he’s good for her. Have the talk about birth control and being safe and allow him to stay. If they want to have sex, trust me it can and will happen anywhere.”
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