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QUESTION: My Husband Keeps Talking About Going to Strip Clubs, and That’s Not the Only Disrespectful Behavior He Displays: Advice?
“I have been married for four years, going on 5. Recently, all he has been doing is talking about going to Strip clubs. I told him it’s disrespectful to me as his wife.
He says I’m crazy and that I have self-esteem problems. Am I? 2 years ago, we were on a float trip, and he was throwing beads at girls to get them to flash him. I told him I didn’t like that, and he says ‘it’s just what guys do.’
I know that’s not what guys do when they respect their spouse. I told him I’m having self-esteem problems because of how he treats me.
He stares at every ass that walks by when we’re together. He just makes me sick when he does this. I need advice.”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“My hubby goes to strip clubs..i have no issues. But I also go to strip clubs… what works for one relationship may not work for another. The fact that you have an issue with it and addressed it with him and he still does IS definitely an issue. ‘It’s what men do’ is a pathetic excuse.”
“If you have clearly set that boundary and he crossed it, there is no boundary he will not cross. Time to re-examine your relationship and ask yourself how many more boundaries will you allow him to cross without standing up for yourself.”
“Reverse psychology: start talking about guys’ junk in their pants, criticize his manhood, go to a male strip club and bring your friends. Start making comments about men In public and when he says something your response is going to be ‘it’s just what girls do.’ He sounds very disrespectful and this will probably put into perspective what his behaviour feels like.”
“Strip clubs are for boys. Men should’ve outgrown that already and want to see their woman only. This is not okay how’s he’s making you feel.”
“He is wrong, not all men do that! There are respectful, good guys out there and it sounds like he’s not one of them.”
“You either want to keep living like this, or you don’t. Many times we know the answer, but we need reassurance from others to feel confident about the decision. We need to start trusting ourselves. It’s your life! You are the one who has to live with the choices you make. Choosing the path that makes YOU happy, and sits well in YOUR heart is all that matters.”
“That is disgusting to me and shows how little he respects you.”
“Well if he acts like that in front of you, what does he do behind your back or on his phone?”
“Honey, throw the whole ‘man’ away! The guy sounds like a total tool. I am sorry you are going through this. You deserve so much better!”
“No, that isn’t “just what guys do” they don’t blatantly disrespect their partner, and in front of their face at that. Yeah maybe some go to strip clubs every now and then. But to ask girls to flash him right in front of you? That’s disrespectful. And to blame the way you feel on your ‘self-esteem problems’ is him gaslighting you. So it is your fault and not his. Seems he’s going to strip clubs a lot? Paying girls to take off their clothes, and flash him, when he can see a naked girl at home for free? He treats you that bad to your face. I can’t imagine how he disrespects you behind your back.”
“Hi. It sounds like you are asking a question that you already know the answer to in your heart and you are needing validation from other women or wives to secure this to yourself. Please follow your instincts and do what you feel is best for your own self esteem, self care, family, financial, and emotional needs. You are worthy and you are enough. Much love.”
“It’s unhealthy. Just gonna say it, he doesn’t respect you. You have done what you should and VOCALIZED this to him, and he evidently doesn’t care. Start doing the same. Stare at men that walk by. Say you’re going out for a girls’ night at a male strip club. OR. Leave him. Only 2 options I see, dependant on whether you’re ready to leave him or try to get something that works.”
“Tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out? If you want to be nice… He sounds like a dirt bag. Offer marital counseling maybe? As a last ditch? But I would probably get out asap. I have a suspicion he probably isn’t the faithful type ‘because that’s just what guys do’ is his motto. Run.”
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