A mom writes in asking for advice about her daughter-in-law and that side of the family. She says she is frustrated that her in-laws call her “Miss Marie” while everyone else is referred to either by their name/title of choice or is called “Aunt Rose” or something more family-specific. This mom feels excluded from the family, like a neighbor and not a family member, because of the way people refer to her.
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A member of the community asks:
“I don’t like what my daughter-in-law and her family call me: Advice?
My daughter-in-law and her family call me Miss Marie. I don’t like it and have asked them to call me Marie, or for my daughter-in-law to call me some version of Mom. Something that makes me feel like I am a family member. I feel excluded at family gatherings and holidays when everyone is called by their names, but I am Miss Marie. It’s to the point now I don’t want to attend. I call people what they tell me they want to be called. It seems respectful to me. They say Aunt Rose or cousin etc., but I am Miss Marie? I feel like the guest from the neighborhood. They say it is a show of respect. It doesn’t make me feel respected. Quite the contrary.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Hates What Her Daughter-in-Law and In-Laws Call Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Don’t answer to it.”
“I’m from the south and that’s a form of respect. If she’s not comfortable calling you mom that’s 100% okay. I think this is a big overreaction.”
“It’s a sign of respect. I call most people Miss or Mr. It’s just to be respectful.”
“It could be worse! My ex’s parents called me ‘that girl.’ For 10 years. They never addressed me by my name. I could be standing 3 feet away, and they would say to him, ‘ask that girl if she would like a drink.’ At one point my youngest called me ‘that girl.’ It took months to get him to call me mom. I wish they would have called me Miss Sadie. But I was just ‘that girl.'”
“It’s better than what some daughter-in-laws call their MIL.”
“Does your daughter-in-law have a good relationship with your son? It sounds like she’s getting ready to leave him. You are Grandma.”
“We have 2 great aunts that are Miss Molly and Miss Julie. It’s a term of respect because I don’t like the thought of our kids addressing them so familiarly.”
“Sounds to me like there are underlying insecurities that need to be addressed. This particular “offense” (if you will) is simply what you are running with. Get to the bottom of why you feel excluded. Relationships are complex, and this seems petty on-the-surface, but has much deeper beginnings. Be well. Challenge yourself.”
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