A mom writes in asking for advice because she feels under-appreciated by her significant other and the father of her soon-to-be two children. While their relationship, in the beginning, was very fun and romantic, the romance has stopped entirely. Now she’s left wonder how to get it back.
A member of the community asks:
“So my significant other and I have been together for 4 years. [We] have a beautiful 2-year-old daughter, and I’m currently 6+ months pregnant. We live an hour away from anyone we know. I’m a stay-at-home mom; I take care of our daughter. I take care of the house. I do it all 24/7. I don’t have a license, no car. I go nowhere except to the store once a week. In the last 4 years we have been together, I go out and get him a little something as a present for his birthday or holidays. He hasn’t gotten me anything for my birthday or holidays in the past 4 years.
Not that this matters, but it would just be nice to get something besides flowers and chocolate, and the only time I get that is if he feels bad or we argue, if that. So maybe once or twice a year. He isn’t romantic at all. His thinking of romantic is him telling me, ‘Oh, be naked in bed when I get home from work. We never go out on date nights anymore since we had had our daughter 2 years ago. We have been out together just the two of us once in the last two years, and that is only because I planned it.
He has planned for us to go out, just the two of us over ten times since our daughter was born, but there is always an excuse or he would start an argument with me that ended up us not doing anything. Kinda joking around with him, I said, ‘Ya know, you still owe me a date night and then all I get back is, ‘Ya well you still owe me stuff too.’ It just sucks to feel unappreciated, and I need some romance in my life. The first 1 to 2 years of our relationship were great, fun, romantic. Once we had our daughter, that all went away. And I understand things will change when you have children. I have changed my whole life for my daughter, and I love her to pieces.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Looking to Get the Romance Back in Her Relationship
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
There is nothing wrong with bluntly asking for what you want. One commenter wrote, “I would maybe hint you want something. If that didn’t work over the years, simply communicate that with him. Maybe finances are not good? Maybe you never expressed to him if it matters or not? I’ve seen men ask their woman what do they want and then [they] hit them with the ‘nothing’ so nothing they get. Men are very direct with things like that.”
Another person said, “I’m not a gifts-type of person, so I personally don’t care if my spouse buys me stuff, or takes me places. I’m also a SAHM, no license, and my husband works 12 hours a day 5 days a week. You need to communicate with him. If he doesn’t resolve the issue or the answer isn’t what you want then you have two solutions; leave or work through it. My husband and I have known each other and loved each other since we were 12. We got back together when we were 18, and we are 25 now. After as many years as we have been together, we don’t really treat holidays or date nights like they are a huge deal. I’ve lost so many people in my life, and while having some items they’ve gifted me are nice, I really wish I could have one more holiday with them. I guess I’m a homebody and I guess I value experiences more than items, and that’s why I don’t get upset. But you’re not me, you’re yourself and you have to think of you over everything else. Your child isn’t being cared for completely if you aren’t happy and healthy. If your husband is treating you badly ontop of all of those issues, then that’s a different story, but ultimately communication, listening, and honesty are the only way to resolve marital issues.”
And one woman added, “Some guys just don’t get it…who cares who planned what? Who cares if the kids come too or don’t come with. Plan something, a movie, the zoo, a walk in the park, whatever, just go. If he makes an excuse, go have fun without him. And I would strongly suggest you get a car and a license so you can do what you want when you want. You can’t wait around, you need to live now.”
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