A mom writes in asking for advice. Her boyfriend, who is also the father of her baby, is still married to his ex. They have been dating for four years, during which time he told her he will file for divorce. Their son has the dad’s last name because the OP assumed they would be getting married at some point. However, it still has not happened. The mom hurts but doesn’t know what to do. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have a 16-month-old baby together, and now another one on the way. He’s still married to his ex. He’s been telling me the past 2 years that he’s filing for divorce but has shown no progress of it. My son has his father’s last name since his father swears we’ll be married as soon as he files the papers.
Well, yesterday I finally had it when a woman stopped me and ask me why I was taking care of my boyfriend and his wife’s baby (referring to my son). I corrected her and she apologized saying she thought that because they all have the same name. At this point, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to harass him or beg him. I want the same name as my child. Am I wrong for saying this or am I overreacting?
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Wanting a Husband
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Many commenters thought the problem is that the OP shouldn’t be dating her boyfriend if he is still married to his ex. Most felt that she shouldn’t have been involved with him until his divorce was final. One said, “Married men are just that, married! He has absolutely no intention of divorcing his wife. He’d have done it by now if he was. Do yourself a favor and get out.”
Others agreed that she shouldn’t put up with him. One said, “A man who wants a life with you, you don’t have to beg and plead, with him, about what he needs to do. To secure a future with you, he will do it on his own.” Another shared, “You aren’t wrong at all. [The divorce] should have been taken care of out of respect for you.” One commented, “That is unacceptable. He should have divorced his wife a long time ago.”
Some shared examples from their own personal experiences. One shared, “Why hasn’t she filed? I mean if y’all are happy together besides this I see no issue really. Find out why neither one has filed maybe it’s just not that big of a deal to them.” Another commenter said, “It took me and my man 4 years to finalize our divorces. We were both married to other people it just took ages to get paperwork signed. At that time we had a baby. Finally got it done, just like our previous marriages, it was just a piece of paper.”
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