A mom writes in looking for advice: Is it OK to be friends with, and talk to, people of the opposite sex when you are married? Even if you are just friends?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
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A member of the community asks:
Is it okay to talk to the opposite sex if you’re just friends and you don’t cross the line? I have been told that being married, I can’t talk to other guys, even if we’re just friends? I need opinions!– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s turn to the community and see what they think!
There’s Nothing Wrong With It
“There’s nothing wrong with talking to the opposite sex as a friend. As long as your intentions are pure and the other person’s are too, then you have no reason to not be friends with the opposite sex.”
“Absolutely nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender.”
“Just because you are married does not mean you are not your own person. If you surround yourself with good, respectful people, then there is not an issue at all. No one can tell me who I can and can not talk to.”
“Nothing wrong with talking to the other sex. I have male coworkers who are friends and my husband has no problem with that, and vice versa. If you have a good marriage there should be no worries. I think it’s sad that we live in a society that talking to the opposite sex when you are married is frowned upon. As long as the conversation is not inappropriate, it should not be an issue.”
A Marriage Is Nothing Without Trust
“I’m so glad me and my husband don’t have jealousy issues. Y’all are both grown. If you can’t trust each other in a relationship, then what’s the point?”
“You both can keep your friends as long as you trust and respect each other”
“Whoever told you that has serious jealousy issues they need to work out.”
“In any relationship, trust is very important. So in my opinion, you should be able to have any friends that you want and the same goes for your partner. If there is no trust then maybe you aren’t meant to be together.”
If Your Partner Is Not OK With It, It’s Not OK
“Mmmmm that’s a fine line. For me, no, it wouldn’t be OK. Sometimes friends talk about relationships and it’s a no-no to tell the opposite sex about trouble in paradise. If your husband isn’t okay with it then respect his wishes. Marriage is a compromise.”
“I think it’s rare that this ends up being OK. it depends on the relationships, your intimate relationship, your honesty (with yourself and partner) and everyone’s boundaries/respect.”
“Out of respect, I wouldn’t even put doubt in your husband’s head.”
“Nope. I’ve learned my lesson with the opposite-sex-friends thing. Never met someone who didn’t cross that line. I’m to the point where I can’t have any kind of friend because people don’t know how to keep it in their pants.”
Communicate With Your Partner
“I think it should be a mutual friend between yall both when it comes down to marriage…just respect each others feeling.”
“I would have a sit-down and talk about trust, etc. or go to marriage counseling. But that’s just me! I don’t think it matters in my opinion. I let my husband talk to other women, and vice versa. If things get weird with someone, tell your hubby and stop talking to that person or let them know you’re not interested because you have a boyfriend/husband. But that’s just my opinion!”
We agree with the majority of commenters that a marriage without trust is not in good shape. If your partner forbids you from speaking with members of the opposite sex, there are almost definitely trust and jealousy issues at play. That kind of behavior can become controlling and damaging. Talk to your partner, explain that these are your friends, you would never cross a line, and he needs to trust you. You should not have to give up your friends because of your relationship if you don’t want to.
We wish you the best of luck, mama, and hope this advice was helpful!
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