A mom writes in asking for advice. She is having issues with her stepson’s biological mom. Her boyfriend’s family treats the biological mom a lot better than they treat this mom. The biological mom never takes her son, and when she does, gets an appreciation for it by the boyfriend’s family. She now has a problem with her stepson’s potty training and the biological mom is yelling at her for it. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’m really frustrated and I just would like some sort of advice other than just leave the situation. My boyfriend has a son, and he just turned 3 years old. I have been in his life since he was five months old, so it’s not like I’ve been a stepmom for two weeks. It’s been a constant battle with my boyfriend’s family and the biological mom.
The latest issue is potty training. My frustration is they all treat me like I’m absolute garbage. I am told constantly that I have no rights to the child and that I’m not his parent. My boyfriend has physical custody so we have him 5 days a week. But his mother never takes him. She visited him 5 times in 4 months. So I take care of him every single day. I take care of him more than my boyfriend.
However, whenever she does take him everyone kisses her butt and tells her how amazing of a mother she is and my boyfriend’s mom is so nice to her. Well, she finally took him for one day and he apparently is terrified to use the potty and she was just yelling and cussing at us saying we’re mean to her son. Well, he doesn’t like to use the potty and cries when he’s left alone in the bathroom. So I see that but the only thing he should be scared of is going to the corner when he lies about pottying in his pants.
We only use the corner as a punishment for about 5 minutes so I don’t understand why he’s all of a sudden upset. I guess the advice I need is what do I do about the awful way I feel from his family? What can I do about his potty training? And what can I do about the biological mom?
Community Advice for This Mom having Trouble with Family
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
There was a lot of advice for this mom and it was very mixed. Some felt that she had no say, as she is not the mom, only the girlfriend. One commented, “You’re the girlfriend, not the mom. You’re not even the stepmom. You’re the girlfriend. You have zero rights to this kid.”
Others, however, felt that she is the mom and should be treated as such. One shared, “You’ve been this boy’s ‘mom’ since 5 months old, and he sees you as such. I think you have a say more so than anyone. Keep up the good work being this child’s mom.” Another agreed and said, “You sound like you’re doing a fine job with the little man. Just ignore the biological mom and the rest of the critics because all that matters is that child.”
Some commenters felt like she needed to involve the boyfriend in all of this. She needs to communicate how she is feeling in regards to the issues with her stepson’s biological mom. One commented, “Your man should be setting his family straight about your role in his kid’s life. He should also be telling his family to butt out.” Another agreed by saying, “As for the biological mom, tell your boyfriend how you feel. He should be the one to talk to his family about it.”
In regards to the potty training issues, all commenters agreed that she shouldn’t be punishing the son for his accidents and his lying. Many also agreed that it could just be too soon and to be patient with him. One shared, “You don’t punish 3 years olds for not using the potty. Try a reward system for going. He may just not be ready. Children develop at different levels.”
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