A mom writes in asking for advice. Her husband does not treat his kids and her kids equally. He is super kind and caring with his kids and puts their needs first. However, he treats this mom’s son horribly. She will take care of him and his kids but he will not return the favor. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’m a mother of 2 boys with another on the way. My husband has children from a previous relationship and he is a great father to them but has issues being equal to my kid. His children come to me for affection which I give them wholeheartedly, but when my son goes in for a hug with him, he pushes him away and barks “personal space, I don’t want to be touched.” It really hurts him. I can see it in my son’s eyes. All he wants is a father figure; he’s a sweet boy who’d give the shirt off his back to anyone who needs it.
I’ve expressed it, and my husband gets offended. I am currently pregnant with his child; after work, I am exhausted, so sometimes I have a cat nap. Last night I was in a dead sleep feeling gross and punky, he came flying to our room handing me the phone saying “my daughter wants to talk to you she’s in tears.” I get up and speak with her, calm her down, and give the phone back. Then my son says to me, “Why was she allowed to wake you up and talk to you, but I wasn’t?”
It upset me, to say the least, that he put his daughter’s needs ahead of my son’s needs when it came to me. I told him not to do that ever again. He snapped at me, calling me a common name and said, “That’s fine. You won’t ever speak with her again.” I have to stand for my son; nobody else will. The treatment is extremely different when it comes to mine and his kids. He doesn’t help with cleaning and has bought groceries once.
He has been having his children over three times a week, and I have to feed all of us on a single income as he keeps his for him and takes off to party his money up without contributing to rent, food, bills, etc. It’s expensive; he doesn’t seem to care as I’ve expressed it to him many times. It’s to the point where I’m about to tell him he needs to leave and support himself and his own children as I’m pretty much sucked dry.”
Community Advice for This Mom Desperate for a Change
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
All commenters told this mom to leave her husband for not being equal with the kids. One said, “Look out for your child. Like you said. You are all he has. Put him first. Leave. He doesn’t need to be in that environment.” Another agreed, “He sounds selfish and you should leave him, it won’t get any better, only worse.”
One commented, “You’re in a messy situation. You have to put yourself and your kids first right now. Your son is the important one here. It’s easier to fix a child than an adult. You know deep down inside what you need to do.” A commenter again agreed, “You are fully right in standing up for your son. It’s inexcusable to put his child before yours and push his child’s needs onto you more than your own child’s needs. Caring and loving another man’s kids is fine as long as yours are still the first priority.”
Another commenter said, “Get rid of him. He’s not worth the pain your son is feeling. Your children are more important.” One suggested, “Do it! Be strong! Also, remember to get support for the new baby.” A commenter advised, “Let him pay his own meals and bills. Don’t give in until he realizes his mistakes.”
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