A single father recently posted on Reddit asking for advice on how to handle a heartbreaking issue: his 14-year-old daughter is pregnant, and he would like her to get an abortion.
The father wrote that his wife passed away as a result of “excessive bleeding after childbirth.” His daughter, he writes, is a “fantastic young lady,” doing well in school, sports and has many friends, but recently he noticed something seemed off with her. After being confronted, she revealed she was pregnant.
Single Father Finds Out His 14-Year-Old Daughter Is Pregnant
Her dad was shocked and spoke to her the next day about her options. His daughter, though, said that “under no circumstances will she abort the baby” or put the baby up for adoption. She told him she could start online school and would care for the baby.
The dad disagreed, writing, “I don’t even want to consider adoption. I can’t imagine her going through pregnancy, then labor…I don’t care at all about the clump of cell in her uterus, I care about her. The girl I raised.”
The dad voiced concern about losing his daughter in the same way he did his wife, as well as their ability to care for a child financially. He told her she needed to get an abortion and that he would kick her out of the house if she continues the pregnancy.
He Later Finds Out Who the Father Is, Only to Be Shut Down By the Boy’s Family
The father posted an update to his original post, saying he and his daughter went to a clinic and confirmed she is 13 weeks pregnant. He asked her who the father is, but she refused to say. After scrolling through his daughter’s phone, he discovered it was a 15-year-old friend of a friend.
The father got the boy’s phone number and asked for his mother’s contact information, reaching out to her to let her know about the pregnancy and ask to talk. The boy’s mom said that he would be waiving parental rights and that they were “not interested in a co-parenting situation.” They would pay child support, but the boy would not be involved.
“Not I don’t know where I stand,” the father wrote. I can’t afford a lawyer, and I don’t think I can make him get involved either way.”
He continued that his sister is speaking with this daughter, hoping a female influence would help, and he is also working to get his daughter a therapy appointment.
The Internet Responds with Advice for This Father Stuck in a Very Hard Situation
The response to the post was overwhelming, including over 13,000 comments and “hundreds of PMs,” according to the original poster.
Many commenters encouraged the father to speak with a lawyer to get a better understanding of what his rights were in terms of child support, as well as abortion laws in the state where he and his daughter live. One commenter wrote, “In my state, you can’t get an abortion after 14 weeks. You need to start by looking at the laws.”
Some commenters shared their personal stories about having young birth mothers and having a wonderful life after being adopted. Many people encouraged the father to look at open adoption as an option.
“This is the best advice I’ve seen so far. Adoption satisfies the daughters want to have a child, and keeping in contact her; while reducing/eliminating the financial burden on the father,” one commenter wrote.
Many also pointed out that the daughter didn’t have a realistic sense of what it means to care for a baby, financially or otherwise.
“I’m not trying to be mean, but your daughter is romanticizing this whole situation, which might be a result of not having her mother in her life,” one person wrote.
While most commenters agreed that it was ultimately up to the daughter what she did with her body and baby, they encouraged the father to help his daughter experience the reality of motherhood, if possible, before committing to a decision.
“She really needs a wake-up call to how difficult it will be,” said one commenter. “Babies are 24/7. She doesn’t understand that. I had my daughter at 21 and was extremely overwhelmed even with a perfect baby.”
When I’m not hanging out with my three-year-old and husband in Brooklyn, I’m busy writing stories for Mamas Uncut and managing PR + Marketing for Magnolia Bakery, based in New York City. On weekends, you can usually find me at a local park or playground pushing my daughter on the swings, “researching” the best almond croissants in Park Slope or launching into impromptu family dance parties at home, the sidewalk or, every once in awhile, a restaurant bathroom. I’m still trying to master the whole parenting thing, but I have learned that copious amounts of coffee, humor and humility are involved on a daily basis.