A woman writes in asking for advice about a situation involving her best friend. This woman says that her best friend’s fiancé hit on her. She has texts and other receipts proving this. She ended up telling her best friend that this happened, a decision which, though she feels was right, has caused a great deal of pain for both women. The fiancé in question has been working to keep the women apart and to convince his fiancée to stay with him and drop her best friend. This woman is looking for support and advice, and she wants to know: Was telling her the right thing? And if so, why does she still feel so bad?
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A member of the community asks:
“My best friend’s fiancé hit on me: Why do I feel bad for telling her?
Ladies, I’m not really sure what I am looking for by posting this, I guess some words of encouragement or maybe your opinions on whether I was right or wrong.
Last month my best friend’s fiancé hit on me. I have all the texts and everything saved. I finally told her yesterday and showed her all the messages that he had sent to me. Now, the reasons why it took me so long to tell her are: 1) after I ignored him, he has done his best to keep her away from me, so I haven’t had the chance to tell her up until yesterday and 2) because I just knew in my heart that if she takes him back, I will never get to see her or her kid again and that absolutely breaks my heart.
I had to tell her though. I would not be a friend at all if I didn’t. But I feel so bad. I watched her cry and held her while she did and I feel so bad for breaking her heart but the way I see it is that if he was comfortable enough to hit on her best friend (knowing I was probably going to tell her), what would stop his from doing it (and maybe going farther) with other women that don’t know she exists?
Now he is telling her that I was texting him back and told him, ‘if she and he weren’t together, that he and I can maybe be together’ – what does that mean? I knew in my heart that he would try to keep her from me when I told her but never even thought that would be how, although I should have. Was I right in telling her, and if yes, then why do I feel so bad?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Woman Who Is Unsure if Telling Her Best Friend That Her Fiancé Hit On Her Was the Right Call
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this woman in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I have been in your situation. She’ll choose him and cut you out, for a while. He’ll hurt her and she’ll come back to you. It’s your job now to support her decisions, she has to do everything she can to make her relationship work. Pray for her, let her know your on her side regardless or she won’t be able to come back to you. You did the right thing. I would be proud to have you as a friend if I were her!”
“You did what any good friend would do. What any good person would do. Don’t feel bad… I know it might be hard. Hopefully, she realizes that he’s trash and she’ll just throw the whole guy away.”
“Just sometimes doing the right thing feels like sh*t.”
“You did the right thing. If she picks him over you, then that’s her loss. I’m sorry you guys are going through this. I wish I had a friend like you. My ‘best friend’ slept with my ex behind my back. He was living with me and everything.”
“Same thing happened to me but it was my stepsister. Her boyfriend was sending texts and pictures and when I told her and she confronted him, he said I was making it all up because I wanted to be with him and break them up, even though I had proof. We barely see each other and we don’t talk anymore because she believed him over me and this is not the only time he’s cheated on her. But he chose his path by cheating, I chose mine by telling her, and she chose hers by believing him every time and staying with him. I know I did the right thing and so did you.”
“If you have all the texts then she can see he is lying about what he said that you said. If he tries to say you deleted messages just get the text message log from your wireless company and match them up to what is there. She would be able to see if there were gaps where deleted messages would be. But, do not feel bad from the aspect of telling her. You absolutely did the right thing, because it would just be another woman later. She isn’t sad because it is you. She is sad because it is ANYONE.”
“She will choose to believe him and you won’t hear from her until later on when she finds out more and more stuff and is finally fed up with him. You feel bad because you’re probably going to lose your friend for a while even though you did the right thing. She will apologize to you for it some day.”
“I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the girl telling her friend that her significant other was crossing a line with me and I’ve been the girl having friends message me telling me my significant other was crossing a line with them. I went straight to my friend. My friends came straight to me. It always goes the same way. Especially when the two have been together a while. My friend stayed with the dude and our relationship faded… until he did it again and again and again and multiple girls went to her…
… Same with me. I backed away from the friends that were trying to tell me about my significant other. Again, until it happened again and again and again. In my opinion, you should stop stressing yourself about it. You absolutely did the right thing. It’s now out of your hands…
… The downside is that if she chooses to stay with him, it will most likely affect your friendship. She will not leave him for good (even though she should because in my opinion, if one partner cheats and the other partner forgives them, it’s basically the green light to continue the behavior because the guilty party knows the other person will forgive them) until she is ready to see it herself. All you can do is continue to be an amazing friend!”
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