A woman writes in asking for advice about the man she’s dating. She says that, though the relationship is fairly new, she likes everything about this man except for one thing: He’s incredibly insecure about his looks and about his race. She says he talks awfully about himself and sometimes does things to downplay the physical aspects of his race. This woman is looking for advice about how to help her man see himself the way she sees him.
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A member of the community asks:
“The guy I am dating is incredibly insecure: Advice?
So, I just started this relationship with a man (three months ago) that I truly ADORE and he is soooo sweet to me. But I feel like I don’t have a say in certain aspects (which is understandable). He’s super insecure about the way he looks and I hate it because he is the most beautiful and charming man of my dreams. So I guess I’m asking for advice.
I’m white, he’s biracial. He is very insecure about his black side AND his white side. I’ve been in a relationship with a biracial man before, but it’s breaking my heart hearing the way he talks about himself. He relaxed his hair the other day and I didn’t want him to because he looked DAMN good with his natural beauty and he verbally attacked me telling me that I like the n**** in him.
Please don’t come at me any type of way! All I’m asking is PLEASE Help me make him feel beautiful and charming and attractive Why the hell do I love him so much? (Yes, it hasn’t been that long but this man has been in my life for the last six years.) Give me some tips, please.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Woman Who Is Dating a Great Man Who Is Incredibly Insecure About His Looks and Race
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this woman in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this woman in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Unfortunately you can’t make anyone feel good about themselves. I would just continue loving him and complimenting him. And avoid telling him he should/shouldn’t do certain things just because YOU like it.”
“Move on. It’s not your life work to build someone’s ego. You’ll spend a lifetime doing so. His insecurities are not your issue. Don’t subscribe.”
“Sounds like gaslighting to me. I would proceed with extreme caution.”
“He needs PSYCHIATRIC help IMMEDIATELY. If he doesn’t get it, MOVE ON. God forbid you have children one day and they come out looking more black than white. Or what if you have 2 kids and one looks more white and the other looks more black. He will probably treat the white one better and give the black one a complex about their features.”
“I say he needs to see a therapist.”
“I think you should urge and support him in seeking a therapist. This is deep stuff he needs to talk this out with a professional.”
“Time and consistency.”
“Hun, he needs more help than you can give him. Somewhere in his life people put him down so much that he doesn’t know his own self-worth. It truly sounds like he was very verbally abused throughout his life and he’s going to need to work on it himself and you might have to say goodbye before he does. You don’t want to have kids with him before he figures this out- it will be very hard for him to understand how to instill a positive self – voice in his kids when he was never given that as a child. My son is white and Dominican and my goal is for him to be extremely proud of both!”
“Everyone has their insecurities but if he’s getting mad at you about it, sounds like there are deeper issues. I’d be very cautious with that love stuff.”
“Being a mom of 4 biracial boys and 1 girl… Just tell him you like the way he is naturally. Continue to give him compliments on his natural look. My 5-year-old daughter sometimes says she wants hair like mine and I tell her I want hair like hers. It’s beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. He shouldn’t be ashamed of either side. It’s a part of him and always will be. Sounds like he needs to accept that and love himself.”
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