A mom writes in asking for advice after her mother-in-law got mad at her when she told her not to buy her or her husband a Christmas gift because they weren’t buying anyone, other than their kids, gifts this year. Now because her mother-in-law is no longer speaking with her or her husband, she’s asking for advice on how to handle the situation.
A member of the community asks:
“So I need some advice. My husband and I hate Christmas because we get stressed out about what to buy family members. I started buying my MIL Christmas decor because she told me that’s what my husband always bought her growing up, and she loved it. I’d buy something of quality too, [from] Pottery Barn, etc. Well, then, she seemed annoyed. She told me not to buy any more Christmas decor. So I took note that she liked massages and so I bought her a $130 gift certificate. As just a little bonus treat, I bought her some candy that she told me she loved.
Then afterward, she tells me gift cards and gift certificates are not personal enough. One year my SIL and I got together and had all the grandkids take a nice photo together, and we had it put on a canvas. She said she didn’t know where she’d put it. She doesn’t like lotion or jewelry. She does like candles, but I already bought her six large Yankee candles last year, and I know she’ll say something negative about it again. As you can see, it’s making me so unhappy during the holidays, and my husband agrees that it’s ridiculous.
So the other day when she brought up buying my husband a Christmas gift, (my husband had warned me that he had been thinking long and hard about Christmas this year and that he was putting his foot down and telling his family that we would just be buying for kids this year. I was so relieved.) I just told her nicely what he said to say, that he’s just focusing on the kids and [that] nobody [should] buy him or me anything. She was so mad she hung up on me. Then she calls me back and tells me how horrible my husband is for taking that away from a mother and that she will no longer be going on a cruise with us next year. That we’ve just cost her $250 in deposit money, which isn’t even true. She hadn’t booked it yet as she forgot I’m the one that normally helps her book her cruises, and I logged on, and it was just on a 48-hour hold and not actually booked.
There’s so much more to this story as far as the bigger picture goes. For example, she favors other grandkids over mine and never once came to games [for my kids]. But calls me for things like booking cruises or looking at her call log on Verizon to look up a number she called. Silly mundane things that she could do herself, but is too lazy to do. I just feel like her relationships with people are one-sided, and I don’t know where to go from here. Now we aren’t speaking. All because she wants a gift? I don’t get it. Thanks in advance for any advice.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who’s Mother-In-Law Is Mad at Her Over Christmas Gifts
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Fan QuestionMy mother in law is mad that we aren't buying her a gift this year: Advice?So I need some advice. My…Posted by Mamas Uncut on Wednesday, November 13, 2019
Many think this mom’s mother-in-law is being “silly.” One commenter wrote, “It’s kind of silly for her to blow it way out of proportion because she wants a Christmas gift. She knows that she can give gifts to whoever she wants still, right? Or did you tell her she was not allowed to give your husband a gift because you weren’t going to be gifting her? I’m just so confused cause it makes no sense, she’s an adult and needs to act like it.”
Another person added, “We have gotten to the point that we only buy for children and ask family to do the same. [It] saves us the stress and money spent on unneeded things and puts focus on the kids. We will give grandparents pics or a memento ornament that is it.”
And a mom said, “The only people who got presents last year from my husband and I were my siblings, they are 8. My son wasn’t old enough so we didn’t really get him anything. [The] same thing is going to happen this year but our son will have gifts. Only kids get presents. Anyone else is lucky to get a picture or even a card. Sorry, not sorry.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
This question was asked by a Facebook community member who has asked to remain anonymous.