A mom writes concerned about how her partner is treating her children from a different relationship. She isn’t sure what she should do. Should she stay or should she leave?
A Community Member asks:
“I have a real issue and just wanted another take on this. I have two kids from a previous abusive relationship which I got out of, and I have a 12 & 14 yr old. After several years on the push of my kids, I went back into the market and found a nice guy. Everything was going fine and my kids and him got along, for the most part. I suddenly found myself pregnant with twins.”
My pregnancy was difficult but my partner started making rude comments towards my kids about their race and their father and little things here and there which crawled under my skin. I at some point wished I wasn’t expecting at all, fast forward my partner has continued these side remarks and has put a divider between me and my older kids.
They don’t feel welcome when he is around. He has told me he doesn’t want my older kids holding the babies which I don’t pay any mind. Has anyone ever had an issue like this where the true colors of a person come out when their children come? I don’t know what to do. I want to leave him, I would be happier, but going at it alone again with two more kids is just scaring me.
I feel really depressed at times about all of this and just don’t know what to do, he is relatively kind to me and loving to his babies he doesn’t dislike my older kids but can’t stand the fact who their father is because of what he did to me and says when he sees my older one it reminds him of my ex.”
Community Advice for the Mom Whose Children Don’t Feel Welcomed by the Guy She Is Dating and the Father of Their Twin Half-Siblings
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
It was quite obvious how the community felt about this situation. Read some of their thoughts in the comments below.
“Bye-bye, your kids come first and if they feel unwelcome get rid of him before you regret that you didn’t.“
“I agree with Amanda. You have to accept us as a package or take a hike. He may like HIS kids but either you are ALL family or not. My husband and I had children from another marriage. Even tho they didn’t live with us, I considered them family and included them on trips and birthdays. He respected mine as well.”
“Dude your current bf is a racist, nothing more nothing less! He tolerated your kids as he had none of his own. Now he has his own he doesn’t need to tolerate yours. Your kids (ALL of them) should come first.”
“See ya bye I dealt with that for 18 yrs with my ex I had a daughter from a previous marriage and he was good to her till I got pregnant with his first child and he then changed towards my daughter and when his second son came we had 2 boys together he really changed towards her and it gave her major issues like PTSD, depression, and anxiety really bad. Don’t put your kids through that there is no excuse. I wish I would have left sooner please, please leave.”
“Get out it’s NOT gonna get any easier he is doing it now he will keep doing it. Your kids are innocent and shouldn’t have to put up with his crap and if they don’t want to go to their fathers don’t make them go. They are old enough to have their own mind in what they want in life.”
“It only gets worse…you know your children come first. Be their mama first…any rude comments stain a child’s heart and soul…Leave.”
Children are very important and should be loved by both parents whether parents by law or blood. If you can’t love the children that come with the person you are dating or marrying you shouldn’t go any further. It is unfair to put children in a situation in which they feel unwelcome and unloved.
In a new family arrangement, it can take time for children to feel comfortable especially when there are other children involved. But when they feel unwelcome because of words being said to them or actions being made then this would be a major red flag. It is even more unacceptable when you as their parent see the mistreatment and don’t defend them and protect them.
The advice given was to leave, and in doing this you are protecting all of your children. He may not like how you were treated abusively by their father but now he is treating your children abusively. You should take action quickly.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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