25 Funny Tweets About Life from Divergent Mama: "A Push-Up Bra, But for My Mood."

25 Funny Tweets About Life from Divergent Mama: “A Push-Up Bra, But for My Mood.”

If you’re not following Divergent Mama on Twitter, are you even really living? She’s a mother of four and the most excellent composer of funny mom-life tweets on the planet. Her brand of sharp sarcasm is unparalleled and if you’ve ever had a painfully long day as a parent, you most definitely need her hilarious tweets to refuel you.

Relatable and accurate, Divergent Mama always keeps it at 100 with her observations about trying to raise children and maintain a shred of sanity. We decided to take a look at some of her most recent tweets to bring you the dose of funny you need right now. Here are 25 genius parenting tweets from Divergent Mama that will help heal your exhausted, weary, and lifeless soul.

Dread

Moving is no joke! Except when it is.

No Sleep

Was this a veiled threat? Best to lock the bedroom door, just in case.

A Lift

We could all use a little bit of a lift in times like these. Yes, yes, to this tweet.

Not Nice

She’s not the only one.

Un-Regret

We would pay very, very good money this miracle invention.

At Least the House is Clean

Well, you know the significant other didn’t do a good enough job. Time to *actually* clean to make the house presentable for the in-laws. *sigh*

It’s Not Right

And, a piece of glitter will be randomly stuck to some part of your face for all five of those years.

Embarrassment Is the Only Weapon

This is the perfect mom tweet and deserves an award. Shut it down.

Uniform

Introducing the quarantine uniform that consists of whatever was worn the day before.

The Depths

Amen! Can we please get some highs to match these deep, deep lows? Please.

New Vows

Try not laughing at your significant other when they’re “learning” a new TikTok dance. We dare you.

Samantha, Why?

Same. Who knew you’d have to wipe the same spot on the kitchen counter a thousand times on the daily? Are we actually cursed?

No Filter

Dear Bill Gates, this. Make us this.

Mickey Magic

What a difference a year makes! Disney World opening back up in the middle of a huge coronavirus outbreak doesn’t seem too smart.

RELATED: 25 Funny Tweets About Disney Reopening Amid Coronavirus Outbreak in Florida

Artful

A lovely still-life is all she had in mind. What was he thinking? A date? LOL!

Quick Question:

Frame this tweet. We feel seen. Kids will break your brain.

All Aboard!

Where’s the lie? Now, how many more can be left at rest stops along the way?

Perfect Tweet

Divergent Mama is actually a philosopher. Brilliant.

Accurate

Why do children… That question is pointless. Do they make automatic toilets for noncommercial use?

The Best Names

That’s funny because our kids are nicknamed Wine, Silence, and we also have a Cheese.

A Dad’s Nightmare

Nothing will cause a dad to spiral like this suggestion. The scream was the sound when he realized everything up that point was futile.

Relatable

Same. French fried potatoes are one of life’s greatest pleasures. Dogs know the truth.

The Foreboding

Time to calculate how long it will take for every piece of furniture to get a little smudge of paint on it. It happens so fast.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: 25 Genius Tweets About Parenting and Married Life from Sarcastic Mommy

Growing so Fast

Honestly, why do they hoard as they do?

Dancing Through Life

This is real. Did the kids rob us of feeling physical pain as well? They take everything.

There you go! 25 very funny tweets from one of our favorite people on Twitter, Divergent Mama. She’s keeping it real so that we feel a little less alone. A true public servant.

About Mamas Uncut

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