A mom writes in asking for advice about her fiancé. She says she and her fiancé got together in 2018, and in 2019, he proposed. At the time he proposed, she was pregnant, and they didn’t set a date or make any solid wedding plans at that time. Now, more than a year later, no date has been set, no further plans have been made. She is starting to wonder if he only proposed because she was pregnant at the time. How can she know if this engagement is for real?
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A member of the community asks:
“How do I know if my fiance actually wants to marry me?
So I got together with my boyfriend in 2018 and then Valentine’s Day 2019 he proposed and we never set a date or anything because I was pregnant and had just found out!!! But we have been engaged for quite a while, and he never wants to set a date or even talk about it and says how he doesn’t want a wedding!!!
How do I know if he’s really true in wanting to marry me? Or is it cuz he got me pregnant, and that’s why he did it!! I see all these people getting engaged and setting dates!!! Am I wrong for feeling off about thinking it will never happen??? He says he loves me to death, but how do u know if it’s for real or not?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Unsure if Her Fiancé Actually Wants to Marry Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“ASK HIM. Seriously. Say, ‘I want to set a date to get married.’ When he grumbles simply ask, ‘Do you want to even get married?'”
“See if he is up for maybe a court wedding or a small backyard wedding. It could be that he is worried financially. If he still refuses to speak of it, maybe it’s time to have the hard conversation of what you both really want. In reality, you haven’t been engaged all that long so maybe he just wants to wait.”
“How do you know? Talk to him. If you’re going to be married you need to be comfortable and confident enough to talk to him and ask him about anything. Coming to an online group where all you’ll get is assumptions because this is about how he *feels*, not facts, is not the way to go. It can be scary. I know, I’ve had to ask and question some hard things. But not once has my husband “punished” me for trying to talk to him. Even if they were hard or awkward conversations he always listened and always discussed. Tell him your concerns and how you feel, and be 100% vulnerable and honest with him.”
“I was with my guy for 11 years before I got a ring…that was 3 years ago and we still aren’t married.”
“Me and my fiancé haven’t set a date either. We’ve been together 6 going on 7 years next month. We got engaged when I was a few months pregnant with our daughter. We aren’t in any rush….. we wanna wait till our daughter can walk down the aisle with us! Wouldn’t stress too much about it…. it’ll happen when it happens.”
“Just because he hasn’t set a date, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. I got engaged Christmas of 2017 we haven’t gotten married yet. I haven’t set a date because I don’t want a traditional wedding, and to me, marriage isn’t going to change much in our relationship except taxes. Weddings are expensive and I think personally they are a waste of money at least for us.”
“Could it be the strain of the financial portion of a wedding? That weighs hard on a guy’s mind.”
“I asked mine when we were going to get married and he took me right to the courthouse. Yeah, he’s just playing with you all the way around girl. I hope you find your person someday.”
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