A single mother writes in looking for constructive criticism. She is feeling like a terrible mother because she finds herself getting frustrated and angry with her children when she is trying to get things done around the house.
A Mamas Uncut Facebook fan writes:
“I feel like a terrible mom: Advice?
I am a single mother of two little girls (4 and 1). I love my kids more than anything, but sometimes I get so frustrated with them when I have things to do around the house, and they are just very clingy.
I find myself getting angry, and sometimes I yell at them for the smallest of things. I always apologize, but they are so young, I know they don’t understand, and I feel like a terrible mother. I don’t ever get physical with them when I have these moments… my four-year-old will only ever get a small tap on her butt or her hand when warranted, but am I a terrible mother for having moments where I just want them to behave and sit still so I can just mop a floor or do some laundry? Criticisms recommended, please.“
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice For The Overwhelmed Single Mom Who Feels She Is A Terrible Mother
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Advice Summary
Being a mother is not easy, especially being a single one. There were lots of very encouraging comments. Read a few of these below:
“I completely understand I would break down and my kids wouldn’t know what to do I learned to let things go a little longer in the house and do things with the kids till they go to sleep then I would clean. I was a single mom for 2 years after I left my ex-husband, now I have a wonderful boyfriend who adores my kids and I get breaks when I need them.”
“Even moms that aren’t doing it alone feel this way! Easier said than done but don’t beat yourself up for those moments. They are real and happen. You’re entitled to your feelings and valid in being frustrated or overdone. I have 5 kiddos and I’m a proponent of finding something they enjoy (technology-wise) regardless of what some will say. Keeps my sanity. My 3 youngest like bubble guppies and I’ll post them up with a no-mess kind of snack and let them watch it till I am better on control. You are so not alone. Do you know what I hear? I hear you recognizing these moments and the fact they make you feel bad MAKES you a good mom.”
“I can say with reasonable certainty that you are not a bad mom, a bad mom would not be worried about her kids, so with that said you may be a frustrated mom, good luck sweetie.”
“Lots and lots of hugs. You are doing just fine. Advice: when you begin to feel like you might yell start singing or counting or praying or whatever calms down your mind. I know it’s difficult and scary and frustrating and all of the emotions, many of us feel this way at some point or many points and it’s totally normal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even the 4-year-old can help; she can pick up clothes or toys and play with her sister for a minute. Best of luck.”
Final Thoughts
I can think of lots of different advice, but I think the most important thing for you to know is simply, they will not remember any of it. They won’t remember the yelling or the playing, the good or the bad. This might sound insensitive or even negative, but it is the actual truth. What they will remember will be just moments in time. Little memories that were important to their little minds but not so much to ours. For example, sone of my son’s earliest memories are’t of me but of his cousin pouring milk on his hair, making his siblings eat ants, and hitting his brother with the remote.
Some children are more sensitive and may remember more than others from the earlier years, but I can almost promise you that it won’t be you yelling or getting frustrated with them. The memories they have usually started when they are much older. That isn’t to say that those early years don’t matter because they absolutely do. That’s where you will build that bond of communication and love. They will remember only that they are loved.
Being a single mother or a married mother, though it is easier said than done, you really have to find what makes your life easier. Staying up later at night to do those things and waking up to a clean house always started my day better. Sometimes you may just have to leave it and go to bed early. Take it one day at a time. Don’t think of tomorrow because it never comes. You only ever live in the now.
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