A mom writes in asking for the opinion of the community members about whether her extended family has a right to dictate who you invite to your children’s birthday party.
A member of the community writes:
“The question to everyone is about birthday parties: do you let your family decide who you can and can not invite to your children’s birthday party?
I was adopted when I was 15-years-old after being in and out of foster care. My adoptive parents always made it clear that I was just part of the package so they could get my younger siblings. My adoptive parents have always had an issue with anyone from my previous life (before them). I have always decided who I can and can’t have at my children’s party. Saying they won’t come if I invite so and so… I have always just bowed down to them and not invited that person.
Well, now my biological dad, who I have not had contact with since I was 8 due to my junkie of a mother, recently contacted me in May of this year. I have taken things slowly with him as far as introducing him to my kids. They met him back in Sept have been great, we spent Christmas and thanksgiving together this yr and I let him meet my boys. Well, my son has a birthday coming up, and I want to invite him because he has been very good to us and my kids just love him.
Do I invite him or just let my adoptive parents control my kid’s birthday? I don’t want to make him feel like he isn’t good enough to be at his, but I also don’t want my adoptive parents to feel like they are being pushed aside. My adoptive family parents barely contact me, and my dad texts me every day. I feel like this would be like drawing a line in the sand and that I will be forced to choose a side.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice For The Mom Who Asks, “Can Family Dictate Who You Invite to A Birthday Party”
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Community responses were unanimous about whether they think the family has the right to dictate who comes to your child’s birthday party. See some of their responses below:
“Totally up to you. If they choose to miss out over such pretty crap then they can miss out. It is your child’s birthday, not their child’s. You definitely decide who will and won’t be there. My bio mum said to me if I ever get married she won’t be there if my dad is. Guess she will miss out then. Sad but true, these types of people are just selfish insecure individuals.“
“I have new inlaws and there was already drama. Here’s my answer… I’m inviting everyone! We are neutral in this home and we are adults, behave accordingly! If you choose not to come to, be aware I only extend invitations 3 times. After that, I don’t invite any more.“
“Neither parent should control yours or your kid’s life. If your son wants your bio dad to come then invite him. If your adoptive parents leave or don’t come then it’s on them. Sounds to me like your adoptive parents don’t really care and I’m sorry for that.“
“My kid my rules. If they don’t like someone who’s invited to my kid’s birthday they can either A) be childish and not attend or B) grow the hell up and be civil for a few hours for the child’s sake. They’re supposed to be adults. They should act like one.”
“There are so many broken families nowadays. Children have five Gramps and so on. What we need to remember is. For one The more people that love our children the better. And this is a child’s party. If an adult can not put all the differences aside for the children then the adult NEEDS to stay home. Invite the whole town don’t leave anyone out. And let them be adults.“
Having good family relationships is very important, as is making and keeping the peace, but there will be occasions where you won’t be able to accomplish any of those things. This is when you must do what is right for your immediate family which would be you and your son. The advice given by the community regarding family dictating who attends your child’s birthday party echos this sentiment. You may have to try to take emotion out of the equation because this can confuse the truth and even cause more harm.
Making the decision as to who you will and won’t invite to your child’s birthday party, is not an easy decision to make, but with the support of your community members behind you, you won’t feel alone in making it.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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