A mom writes in because she is concerned about her ex making their 4-year-old sleep on the floor because she pees the bed. She wants to know if this is child abuse and should she say something?
A Community Member asks:
“My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our two daughters 4-year-old and seven years old, my four-year-old go potty just fine during the day with no accidents but has trouble getting up at night and ends up peeing the bed. Today picking my seven-year-old from school told me her daddy doesn’t let our four-year-old sleep on the bed and is making her sleep on the floor. My question is, is this abuse? What should I do about this without getting my seven years old in trouble with her dad for telling me about the situation?”
Community Advice For Mom Worried About Her Ex Making Their 4-Year-Old Sleep On the Floor.
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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Many of the community responded in defense of the dad, and others worry that it is, in fact, child abuse. You can read some of their responses below.
“Not nice at all and there are definitely other, better options but it’s not abuse. I agree with the other commenters and would say to get a waterproof mattress pad and send pull-ups for night time. I could never imagine making my little one sleep on the floor.”
“At four years old, she is either not waking up, has undergone some kind of stress or abuse, or she might just have a small bladder and has too much to drink too close to bedtime. The ideal situation would be for him to do things such as getting up at night to wake her, putting protection under her sheets, and buy her some pull-ups. I would also communicate with him and find out the exact situation, before doing anything else.”
“I don’t buy the “Dad’s don’t know”, I’m sure he’s changed a diaper and knows they exist. As for other possible solutions, he can just Google it and there would be more information than he could use. If she’s choosing to sleep on the floor, there is not much to be done. However, if he is punishing this child for something that she cannot control, then I consider that abuse. Always start with the easiest way to solve an issue, which is normally communication.”
“Overnight pullups and underpads on the bed. It is her bladder and can’t help it. Ex is not being mean just needs assistance on what to do.“
“I’d absolutely do something about it! My daughter just recently stopped peeing the bed and she’s 6. If I was in this situation I wouldn’t be letting the child stay any more until I took it to court, got cps involved or something! They make waterproof mattress protectors for the bed and they make good night diapers there is no reason a 4-year-old should be made to sleep on the floor!”
Parenting is hard. Sometimes we make choices that aren’t always the best and it is because we really can’t think of what to do. In this case, I think that this could very well be how the father felt. He may not have thought about a mattress cover or using pull-ups. He might not even know what that is. My husband wouldn’t. This doesn’t make them a bad father. Making his daughter sleep on the floor may have been the only solution he could think of.
Before you claim any kind of abuse, you need to first learn the situation from an adults point of view. Maybe he planned on buying a mattress cover, maybe he made the most comfy bed on the floor. By just asking questions in a non-accusatory way may solve this whole issue. One of the suggestions given was to buy pull-ups to send with her and tell him its for bedtime. You might even suggest a mattress cover. Since this problem exists with you as well, you might share what you do.
Whatever you choose to do, try to give him the benefit of the doubt before jumping to any conclusions. If you indeed suspect child abuse you can talk with authorities but I would be very sure before you make that kind of decision.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.