A first-time mom writes in looking for advice on how to deal with her in-laws overstepping their boundaries.
A Community Member asks:
“Hi! I’m a first-time mommy, and we live with my in-Laws. They usually try to overstep their boundaries, like Grandma answering to ‘mama’ or them trying to go over my word, but today I found out she’s trying to make my son walk. I was deeply hurt because that’s something my husband and I are supposed to do, and I told my hubby that, and he doesn’t get how much that hurt me. Am I right to feel this way, or is this something that’s no big deal?“
Community Advice For The First-Time Mom Who Feels Her In-Laws Are Overstepping Their Boundaries
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Read some of the community’s responses below:
“At least they are involved, grandparents. But I take it that you would complain either way. If they weren’t involved you would be upset too. So be grateful that they are also allowing you a place to stay.”
“I disagree with most of the comments. I would be upset if this situation happened to me, especially the part about trying to make the baby walk. That is a special moment that should be shared by the parents.”
“She shouldn’t be answering to “mom” at all, ever. As far as her helping him grow, progress and get stronger and other interactions, be grateful. The only to “solve” these issues is to move out. So in the meantime, be patient, let her love her grandchild and express your gratitude for her love. In the long run, it will benefit all of you to have her. Good luck.”
“You can’t make a child walk. A child walks when ready!! It takes a village to raise a child so no need to be jealous of that. Be thankful your son receives all the love.”
“Don’t listen to anyone on here telling you to grow up or be grateful! Your feelings have nothing to do with that! I get it 100% that’s the reason I made sure we moved out of in-law’s house before we had our son because we would butt heads. Your feelings are completely valid! Being a full-time Mom makes you feel things that might seem crazy to some & even yourself sometimes but they’re your feelings! You can’t just get over them.“
“I would suggest moving out asap because it’s only gonna get worse. Everyone, grandparents or not, should respect your decisions for your child period. Let them know that if they can’t then their time will be limited or supervised. I don’t care how many times people tell you well I have so many kids & they’re still alive or it’s not gonna hurt or I’m grandma etc. EVERYONE who cares about you & your child should respect your PARENTING! I literally hate the debate about it because how is someone else gonna tell you what goes with your kid.”
After reading the comment section, I was honestly shocked at the responses. I mean, I can see a few negative comments, but the amount was really surprising to me. Could it be that the audience has “few” in-laws?
I have to say though, I completely disagree. While it is true that when you are living with your in-laws and you may need to be somewhat patient, you do have a right to set some boundaries. Two families in the same household do not make it one big family. But what to do?
First, you need to talk with your husband and together agree on the boundaries you want to set. Then together you sit with his parents and state how much you really do appreciate them sharing their home with you, but there are certain things that you would prefer they not do. That being said though, it may or may not go well. While you are still living with them it would probably be best to try to be patient and overlook if you can. You may decide that it would be best that you live on your own until then just give it your best.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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